The Life Of Estelle Walker
by SamLim29
Summary: "I wanted to see you, I miss you and you left. The smile of that day fell. You swore forever but you're not here." Rin x OC x Haruka
1. Prologue

A couple of things made that day stand out more than any other: It was my eleventh birthday, and I was standing in the pouring rain, my bangs plastered to my face, tears mingling in the rain and my school uniform was plastered to my thin, shaking frame. Yeah, that was all I could do back then. Cry, and uselessly stand stock still as my best friend, whoops, EX-best friend, walked away from me and out of my life.

I've tried to think of the days that led up to before then, to see if I could remember what had caused that change. Was it me? Was it him? I still haven't found the answer.

Whenever I asked my mother, Sybil, about her, her replies were always vague and airy, like, "You'll find out when you're older, Estelle." Wow, thanks a lot, Mom. That's real informative.

My parents, the Walkers, were native-born Americans. Charles Walker, my father, was a newspaper proprietor, and he didn't even go into his office. Instead, he worked from home, claiming that it was simpler. Not to me it wasn't.

Since before I could remember, my father had always known what was best for me. At school, when all the other children were kitted out in jeans and rompers, I was kitted out (or rather forced into) velvet dresses and clean, white ankle socks. Father would click his tongue and scowl heavily if I came back with as much as a smudge on them.

I grew up both loving and hating my father. Most of all, I grew up needing his approval, so when the Honourable Charles Walker decided that I would be hailed as a math prodigy, I did everything I could to comply. I didn't complain when he yanked me out of public school and put me in a posh convent. Hours after everyone had gone home; I was still studying in the school library, reading and reading, trying to engrave the information into the surface of my brain.

In time, I was perfect; at least, that's what father told me. Barely a month after I had been entered into the convent, the prestigious Queensgate Swimming Academy offered me a scholarship to train at their school as a coach. Though it wasn't exactly the future he had envisioned for me, father was thrilled, and packed me off to Australia on the first flight out of America.

I met him there. He was my roommate, and the school's rising star. I was supposed to train him and mould him into being Australia's youngest – and best – swimmer. And so I did. I tried, anyway.

Our relationship was far more than a student-and-trainer one. I'd seen how the coaches at Queensgate treated their student, barking out orders, and pushing them to their limits. From the start, I'd decided that I wasn't going to be like that. No way in hell. I became his best friend, and he became mine. We understood each other. Or so I'd thought.

For when I'd bounced into the room after my lessons, expecting a present, or at least a hug, I was mistaken, sorely mistaken. He was lying on his bed, arms folded behind his head.

"We need to talk," He announced, swinging his legs off the bed abruptly.

My mind raced and my heart pounded. His voice, normally light and cheery, was now dead and emotionless.

"Okay," I whispered, setting my books down on the desk.

He stalked off without a word, and I jogged after him outside. His tone was even and cool. It scared me. I was afraid. I didn't want to know what was coming next.

"Wait up!" I panted, grabbing his arm and stopping him just as we reached our school's garden.

He spun round, his eyes dark and furious. "Let go."

I flinched, but didn't back off. "Tell me what's wrong, and then I'll go," I said, tightening my grip on his arm.

"I've asked Coach Jones to teach me instead."

The air went out of my lungs. I think my heart stopped beating.

"B-But why…?"

"Don't you get it?!" His eyes glowed menacingly, illuminated by the flash of thunder that streaked across the dark shroud of the night sky.

"You're worthless now! Your data doesn't work anymore! Besides, I've grown so strong that I don't even _need_ any data!"

"I… You… Weren't we friends? So why…?"

"We _were_," Rin emphasized the word 'were'.

"But you're of no use to me anymore. I'll be transferring dorm rooms too."

"When?" I whispered, ignoring the drop of rain that splattered onto the sleeve of my school blouse.

"Tonight," He turned and marched off, not back to our old dorm room, but probably off to his new one.

The clouds ripped open, pouring down buckets of ice-cold rain, which soaked through my blouse, wetting my skin right down to the bone.

"But you promised," I whispered through the waterworks lump in my throat, tilting back my head and letting the tears slide down my face.


	2. Finally We Meet Again!

**Bang!**

My eyes shot open just in time to hear Nezu-sensei slam down a math textbook on my desk. School had only just started a day ago, and the whole class had quickly learnt that this was his favourite way of waking up any poor sucker who had had the gall to fall asleep in his class. Saying I had attempted to stay awake was a lie – I had already drifted off before his dull monotone had begun to drone.

"Miss Walker?" He snapped, a vein throbbing in his temple. "Miss Walker?"

I arched an eyebrow, now fully awake. "Yes?"

"Answer Question two. Now, if you please."

I chanced a quick peek at the whiteboard. 'X2 -8x-16=?' Huh. Piece of cake.

"It's four. X equals four," I answered as coolly as I dared.

"Correct," Nezu-sensei muttered reluctantly.

Thankfully, he left me alone after that, moving on to torture a girly blonde boy, who had also apparently fallen asleep on the desk. I heaved a sigh of relief, but followed along with the lesson studiously, my guilt making me try harder. My aunt had been so nice, inviting me to stay with her a month ago, after Mother had kicked me out of the house, claiming that my days of being home-schooled were over. And I didn't want to let anyone down.

"You'll love Iwatobi'. Right." I muttered, shoving my books in my bag as the final bell rang shrilly.

I was the first one out the door, eager to go home, where my Aunt Alyssa and dinner waited for my return. My quick footsteps ate up the ground and I soon reached the house, a butter coloured Victorian which was shaded by a slew of frothy pink Sakura trees. Aunt Alyssa had never liked a Japanese style house, and so had built a house of her own, a modern English one, like the one she used to have in London.

"I'm home!" I called, walking through the front door and dumping my bag and shoes in the foyer.

"In the kitchen," Alyssa called out, where the sound of running water could be heard.

I padded inside to where the smell of tomato sauce and Italian herbs was coming from. Alyssa turned to smile at me, a smear of tomato sauce down her cheek and melted cheese congealing in her curls.

"Hey there, kiddo. How was your day? Did you make any new friends?"

"It was okay," I mumbled, avoiding her eyes and shuffling over to the fridge to extricate a bottle of Perrier from its interior.

Alyssa sighed, setting down two plates of piping hot lasagne and two cold glasses of green tea on the scrubbed pine trestle where we usually ate. She motioned for me to go and change, which I did.

I headed up the stairs to my room, which was just down an elaborate hallway. It was large and fairly empty, with a walk-in closet and fitted carpets. One wall had been entirely windowed, making the place appear larger than it really was. Alyssa and I had painted the walls and ceiling a dark sea blue, and had stencilled on marine animals. There were no posters or ornaments, save for a lone picture of me and him on my dresser. It had been his last, genuine smile. A huge four poster with a sea green silk canopy stood in the centre of the room. Row upon row of soft toys had been arranged on top of a perfectly arranged pillow pile. The furniture had been painted a glossy shade of white, intricately carved an inlaid with mother of pearl.

Pulling on a green peasant shirt with tiny, teal flowers on the bodice and a pair of denim shorts, I practically ran downstairs. Alyssa was patiently waiting, sipping daintily from her tea cup.

Alyssa didn't mince her words. "Estelle, your parents and I are worried."

I let out a bitter laugh. "The day my parents worry will be the day hell freezes over."

"Fine, then _I'm_ worried about you. You were so cheerful and bubbly, but ever since you've returned from Australia –''

I cut her off. "I don't want to talk about it," I stuffed a forkful of lasagne into my mouth, ignoring the burn as it slid down my throat.

Alyssa wouldn't give up. "Just what happened between you and –''

"I don't want to hear his name either!" I snapped, mortified to discover that tears were welling up in my eyes.

Sensing that I was reaching my breaking point, Alyssa backed off. "I'm sorry."

I relaxed, and continued shovelling food down my gullet. "Ish fime," I muttered through a mouthful of food.

"And… Um… Speaking of your parents…" Alyssa's hands were nervous butterflies, fluttering from her hair to her silk shirt.

"Spit it out," I sighed, chasing down the last of my meal with green tea.

"She'scomingtoIwatobi," Alyssa blurted out, blushing all the way to the roots of her hair.

The message got through though. I dropped my fork with a clatter. _''What?! _Why didn't you stop her?"

Alyssa wouldn't meet my gaze. "Er… Well… She **CAN** be very over-bearing, you know, and…"

I rolled my eyes. "Right. You chickened out. Whatever. I'm going for a walk."

Shoving back my chair, I downed the last of my tea and left. I needed to clear my head, and a walk seemed like one reliable way to do that.

I wandered down the dimly lit path, hands jammed in the pockets of my shorts. I let my feet take me wherever they wanted. I wasn't too worried. I had a cell phone with GPS. I only stopped when a dilapidated building loomed up in front of me.

"It looks like something out of a bad horror movie," I snickered, ducking down below the safety barrier and sauntering inside.

I wandered down a hallway, my eyes adjusting to the dim moonlight streaming through the cracked and smudged windows. Mice and rats ran out of the way as I approached, but they left me alone, and I was glad. I did _not_ get along with rodents.

The sound of raised voices floated down the hallway, and I stopped short. There were other people here? What a crowd. Deciding to chance a peek, I crept to the pool, feeling a twinge of unease in my heart. I _thought_ I had heard his voice…

Wow. Fate just _loved_ to play tricks on me, huh?

"He really _was_ there!" I spluttered, staring at one ex-best friend.

I let out a silent wail of frustration and embarrassment before burying my head in my arms. Being enclosed within myself made me feel a little better; at least if someone laughed at me, I wouldn't be able to really hear or see it. However, I also knew that I couldn't just sit here and sulk, so I turned to observe the four boys again. Somehow, I'd managed to miss an integral part of their conversation, because before I knew it, Haru and Rin were stripped of their clothes and standing in front of each other with just their swimsuits on.

"Mm… Good muscle tone… Well-defined abdominal muscles…" I mused, deep in thought, my eyes glued to the beautiful sight of two almost-naked, well-built, very handsome boys.

I had to remind myself to breathe in and out. Rin had gotten way better since the last time I'd saw him, and the other boy… Haru wasn't half bad either. As if he had heard my mumbling, his eyes flashed up to meet mine. I almost jumped out of my skin, and I snapped back to reality. What was I doing?!

"Get over it, Walker," I told myself bitterly, turning around and walking out before anyone else spotted me.

_You're not the only one who can walk away, you know…_


	3. Really? You again?

I didn't get much sleep last night; my mind was back in the old swimming pool with Rin and Haru. While I did appreciate their physiques, I was more interested in the relationship between the two of them. There was tension between the two, which even an oblivious idiot would be able to tell. Other than that, I knew next to nothing. Except that they both had well-sculpted bodies, and that their stats were off the charts.

"I'll show you a sight that'll surpass _all_ your data!"

"Let's settle this… Estelle!"

Wait, what? Rin _knew_ that I couldn't swim so why…? And since when had Rin sound so _girly_?

That familiar voice called again, more urgently this time.

"Estelle Walker! Up and at 'em, young lady!"

_What the hell?_

I blinked, and another room materialized before me. Sea green curtains, dolphins dancing, sharks grinning, penguins diving and killer whales breeching on the walls. A picture of me and Rin, smiling toothily at the camera…

_Oh._

I was in my bedroom, and Alyssa was hovering over me, frowning. She'd been calling my name.

"Kiddo, it's half past eight," Alyssa said, glancing at my bedside alarm clock. I must've slapped the OFF button in my sleep. "And you've got a big day today."

"Huh? Why?" I muttered, sitting up and brushing my flaxen locks out of my eyes.

"Don't tell me you've forgotten! You're going to Samezuka Academy today, remember?"

_Now _I remembered. Samezuka's principal had invited me to their school to devise training menus for their star athletes. Because I was short on cash, I'd accepted. What? Two hundred bucks for just scribbling training menus was too good a deal to pass up.

Yawning, I watched as Alyssa marched over to my window and pushed aside the heavy satin curtains with a flourish. I cringed – but then felt a swell of relief. It was a beautiful day. The sky outside was a stormy grey, the winter wind howled and thunder rumbled. I smiled, suddenly feeling awake and alert. Okay, I realise that most sane people prefer warmth, sunshine, gay frolicking unicorns vomiting rainbows and whatnot, but gloomy weather has always suited me best.

Her mission accomplished, Alyssa headed for the door. "Sausages and eggs for breakfast!" she sang over her shoulder as she left.

My stomach growled. The promise of sausages (and rain) made it a little easier than usual to get out of my warm bed. I padded to the bathroom, a spring in my step, the yellow carpet tickling my bare feet.

After showering, I put on one of the outfits Alyssa had chosen for me: A ruffled peach-coloured skirt with a white camisole and wrap-around sandals. I would've happily ripped my teeth out instead of being caught dead in such a frivolous outfit, but Alyssa had insisted, smiling a sickly sweet smile of doom. Apparently, my usual jeans and shorts wouldn't cut it for this meeting.

Joining Alyssa in the kitchen, I happily dug into the still-warm plate of sausages, scrambled eggs and toast.

Alyssa clapped her hands happily when she saw my outfit. "Great! I just _knew _you'd like it!"

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, instead choosing to stuff more food into my mouth. Sometimes, Alyssa could be just as over-bearing as my dear mother, if not more…

"You should hurry. We have to be there by eleven, and it's half-past nine. It'll take us at least an hour to get to Samezuka."

"Okay, okay," I mumbled, wolfing down the last of my sausage.

Alyssa downed the last of her coffee and filled up my tumbler with the last of it in the carafe.

"More sugar and milk, please," I reminded her, carrying my plate over to the sink and loading the crockery into the dishwasher.

"Yes, your highness," Alyssa mock-saluted me, adding a generous serving of sugar and creamer, turning the black liquid a creamy shade of tan.

"I resent that," I told her solemnly, slinging my satchel over my shoulder.

It had been stuffed full with notebooks, sketch books, my camera and pencil case. You never knew when the opportunity to get some good data arose.

"You ready?" Alyssa asked, wrapping a scarf round her neck.

"'Course I am," I replied, dashing out after her and into her Prius.

Alyssa dropped me off at Samezuka Academy with a cheery wave and a promise to pick me up at six. Alyssa had gone to visit an old friend, who lived in the vicinity, and hadn't stuck around to provide moral support. Not that I needed any. For all I knew, Alyssa would probably make things worse.

Pushing that thought aside, I walked into the school. Noise echoed throughout the hall as it filled up with chattering kids, and I had to practically elbow my way through to get to the principal's office.

When I finally managed to stumble into the office like a little lost puppy, I smiled politely at the secretary behind the front desk. The whole place was done up in generic shades of faded brown and peach. As I removed my parka, I felt like I could've gone chameleon and blended in.

The secretary was talking on the phone, obviously to a disgruntled parent. She didn't even look up, just kept shaking her head and murmuring assent.

"Excuse me?"

The woman looked up with a hideous, frightening glare and stuck up her pointer finger in the universal "Just wait a damn minute, sister" sign.

_Well, someone's feeling bright and cheerful this morning. I wonder why you haven't been fired yet._

Suddenly, a lady opened the heavy wood door. She was a tall and willowy blonde, with a soft face and kind grey eyes. Though she was dressed in plain navy serge, she had a quality about her that made her seem youthful and full of good humour.

"You must be Miss Walker. I'm Miss Hideki Ayame, the vice-principal of Samezuka. It's a pleasure to meet you," She extended a perfectly glossed and manicured hand, and I shook it firmly.

"The boys are waiting for you in the gym," Miss Hideki added.

I picked up my bag and followed her out of the office.

"_This _is the gym?" I muttered in awe, gazing up at the high domed ceiling, gleaming machines and bright white lighting.

_Okay… This school is obviously rich. Unlike mine._

About twenty to thirty boys were gathered in the gym, some hanging from bars and some seated on the ground. Upon seeing a new face, they immediately swarmed around me and Miss Hideki. To tell you the truth, I was beginning to feel a little claustrophobic.

"Who's the girl?"

"Why's she here?"

"For me, obviously,"

"EW, what's a girl doing here?"

I twitched. What the hell was wrong with being a girl?

_I swear, I'm going to give whoever said that __**HELL**__!_

Sensing my discomfort – and killing intent – Miss Hideki told the boys to step aside and give me some breathing room.

"Everyone, this is Estelle Walker. She's here to help you get better."

"What could a _girl_ possibly do to help us?" Someone called out.

I stepped forward. "Strip and you'll find out," I challenged, staring at him straight in the eye.

Miss Hideki rolled her eyes. "Just don't kill them… Too much…" She muttered the last part before escaping.

"I'll try and restrain myself," I promised, a gleam shining in my eyes.

The boys gulped. Then the yelling started.

"Those darn boys sure were a handful," I muttered, running a hand across my sweaty brow.

I had yelled myself hoarse and loaded all of them with a ton of training regimens and diet plans. I thought a cold drink was in order, to replenish all the brain cells that I had lost. Besides, Alyssa wasn't due for another hour or so.

Trudging tiredly across the courtyard, the light of the setting sun bathed everything in a warm glow. Most of the students had gone home, and I was glad to find the vending machine didn't have students swarming around it. I had already received a few curious stares, and I wasn't in the mood to deal with any more of that, or worse, wolf-whistling. I shuddered and popped in my change, taking my time and selecting a can of milk tea.

Just as the can rolled out, I heard a loud exclamation of, "No, this is a bad idea!"

I froze. _That voice sounded familiar…_

"It's fine, Mako-chan. That teacher told us to do what we liked with our lives!"

_Oh, no, it can't be…_

"You were the ones who brought me here to swim!"

Once again, I groaned and buried my head in my hands. Would fate never stop taunting me?

"Look, why don't we ask that girl over there? She looks nice!"

_I'm flattered…_

"She isn't even _from _this school!"

I sighed, and grabbed my drink, a sheet of blonde bangs falling in front of my face.

"I can hear you, you know,"

All three boys jumped.

Hiding a laugh that threatened to spill out of me, I introduced myself.

"I'm Estelle Walker. And I think I know what you're looking for – the pool."

"You know where it is?" The blonde boy – I now recognized him as my classmate, Nagisa – chirped up happily.

I nodded. I'd been there earlier, to peek at the swimmers, and I was pretty sure I knew where it was.

"Great, thanks!" Nagisa smiled so brightly, I couldn't help but smile back hesitantly.

"We might have to-"

"Haru! What are you doing?" Makoto interrupted me, directing my attention to said boy, who was currently unbuttoning his crisp, clean uniform shirt.

Before I could stop myself, I impulsively blurted out, "You have a good physique. Let me guess: 2km every weekend?" I guessed, seeing stats and numbers flash in front of my eyes.

Haruka nodded, a very faint ghost of a smile lingering on his lips, and I regretted having even spoken up in the first place.

_He knows... Me and my big mouth! I should've run when I had the chance!_

It was one thing for him to catch me staring (I _refused_ to think of it as ogling); it was another thing altogether for him to openly tease me with this little nugget of information. I hastily turned away and began abruptly trekking through the outskirts of the school's academic building, not even bothering to see if Rin's friends were following.

"Are you and Rin together?" Haruka asked bluntly, easily catching up to you with his long strides.

"You're Rin's girlfriend?" Makoto slipped into the conversation, his voice laced with shock.

"Rin-chan has a girlfriend?" Nagisa piped up.

"Who's Rin?" I asked, trying – and failing – to sound indifferent.

"You were there with him last night," Haruka shrugged, his voice light.

_This bastard's enjoying this!_

"The guy in black? No, I wasn't with him. I was merely exploring. I don't know any Rin," I muttered, lying through my teeth.

Was the swimming pool always this far? I regretted having agreed to help them; the boys were asking too many questions and jumping to too many conclusions… It wouldn't be long until they found out…

"Why are you so concerned, anyway?" I asked icily.

"Rin's a close friend of ours," Makoto explained softly, smiling gently in my direction. "We haven't seen him since middle school; we lost contact with him, so there's a lot we don't know."

I sighed and left it as that.

Fortunately, we'd arrived at the recreation building, so the conversation regarding me and Rin came to a halt. I swiped my visitor's pass and the door opened.

"This is really nice," Nagisa remarked, eyeing his surroundings carefully.

"Yeah, I guess," I shrugged, conveniently forgetting the fact that _my_ jaw had dropped when I had first seen the place barely a few hours ago.

I led them down the hallway and past the locker rooms. As soon as you unlocked the pool doors, Haruka swiftly stripped and dove into the water.

"Thank you for your help," Makoto smiled angelically. "It was nice meeting you."

I would have responded, but Nagisa's pants flew past my face. I actually giggled at the sight of a naked Nagisa dashing for the pool. Makoto followed my gaze and shot me an apologetic look on Nagisa's behalf.

"I should get going, but I'm sure I'll see you at school," I waved half-heartedly and left.

I quickly left the swimming pool. However, instead of leaving the building like I said I would, I decided to peek through the windows that lined the walls of the pool house. No, I wasn't spying. I was just… OBSERVING. Yes, that's it, I told myself.

My eyes naturally sought out Haruka, and I found him just gliding in the water. His form was… PERFECT, I sighed, before smacking myself.

"Get a grip, Walker," I growled. "They're bad news. Anyone who knows Rin is,"

Alyssa's Prius drew up in the parking lot. She honked loudly. Glad to be rid of Samezuka, I stumbled towards her car, unaware of the fact that someone had seen me leaving.

Red hair glinted in the last rays of the fading sun.

"Estelle?"


	4. There's No Way I'll Join You!

"**IDIOTS!" **

Nezu-sensei's enraged bellow could probably be heard three stories down, I reckoned, ruefully rubbing my much-abused ears and staring 'remorsefully' at my math teacher.

"Do you actually feel bad about what you've done?!"

_NO…_

"First, you trespass in an abandoned building, now you trespass in another school's pool?! _Honestly,_ I thought that _you_ of all people would have the good sense to stop them, not _encourage_ them, Miss Walker!"

"But Sensei, it isn't counted as trespassing if I invited them!" I argued, secretly feeling as guilty as sin. Nezu-sensei's words had some degree of truth to them, and I had technically aided the boys in their mischief making. And though I would never admit this aloud, I didn't want them to get in trouble on my account.

"Man, we're just fortunate that they've agreed not to make a big deal out of this," Nezu-sensei snapped, his brow crinkling like a paper bag before smoothening out again.

_Only because I offered them free consultation as compensation!_ I wailed mentally.

I knew I should've been more grateful, considering how many strings Alyssa had pulled to cut us this deal, but the thought of returning to Samezuka irked me to no end.

"Now, now. I think that's enough," A petite brunette trotted over to Nezu-sensei. "There's a famous saying that applies to this situation." Throwing her head back, she began to quote, "In Ancient China, during the Shang Dynasty, Duke Tai would fish without any bait -"

"I **HATE** fish," Nezu-sensei was mercilessly blunt.

"Excuse me," She whimpered, backing away, and I couldn't help but snigger.

"Ama-chan sensei wasn't much help," Nagisa pouted, clinging on to my arm. I'd been forced to give up shaking him off after the twentieth time.

"I wonder how that fish saying goes…" Makoto wondered.

"Who cares?" I cried, hot and frustrated. My mood had been foul to begin with, and the fact that this boy was clinging to my arm like a girlfriend would her boyfriend pissed me off.

"I'm sorry, Nagisa can be like that. Isn't that right, Haru - EH?!"Makoto whipped around to find the dark haired boy gone. His jaw dropped.

"He already _left_," I growled, trying (again!) to shake Nagisa off. "And _I'D_ like to leave as well,"

"But why, Essie-chan?" Nagisa wailed, pulling back to stare at me.

"_ESSIE-CHAN?! WHAT THE HELL, NAGISA?!"_ I burst out, my face turning a very nice shade of brick red.

"Hey, look, it's Gou-chan!" Nagisa waved and bounced on the balls of his feet. The good news was that despite the horrible nickname, he'd – **FINALLY** – released me.

"Didn't I tell you to call me Kou?" The girl demanded, raising one perfectly plucked eyebrow as she drew nearer. Apparently, I wasn't the only one who hated Nagisa's knack of nicknaming his friends.

"Does it really matter?" Nagisa tilted his head to one side cutely.

"Yes, of course it does! I'm Kou!" The girl insisted, arms akimbo.

"Gou?"

"KOU!"

"Gou."

"KOU!"

"Kou."

"**GOU!" **Then she threw her head back and let out a frustrated wail. "Oh no!"

Nagisa smiled victoriously. Thinking that no one was watching, I backed away slowly. Freedom was waiting for me in the parking lot!

"You're not running away this time!" Gou cried, grabbing both my hands to stop me from making my escape.

Her wide-set ruby eyes, so similar to Rin's, bored into my own chocolate brown orbs.

"Estelle, why have you been avoiding me?" She demanded, really angry now.

I laughed weakly. "What? No, I don't think –"

"You run off in the other direction whenever you see me! If that's not avoiding, then I don't know what is!" Her eyes turned into slits.

"NO! That's not -"

Gou turned her attention to Nagisa and Makoto, her hands still holding onto mine." Did you two manage to see my brother?"

"Oh, about that! Rin-chan's so MEAN! We haven't seen each other in four years, and the first thing he does is challenge Haru-chan to a race! He completely ignored me and Makoto!" Nagisa piped up, his cheeks puffing out like an angry chipmunk.

"Have you heard anything from him, Kou-chan?" Makoto asked, rubbing Nagisa's back soothingly.

"No… I've sent him emails and calls without much luck. I've even called his school, but…" She trailed off, shrugging her shoulders helplessly.

"Estelle, have you -"

"No. I don't call him anymore," I muttered, studying my shoes intently.

"EH?! But Essie-chan said that she didn't know him!" Nagisa burst out.

_Shit._

"But she does! She and brother went to the same school in Australia… Together… Oh. I see. _That's_ why you've been avoiding me. You don't want to see him again." Gou smiled knowingly.

"**NO! THAT'S NOT IT!" **I protested, the flush on my cheeks giving me away.

"You're an awful liar, Estelle," Makoto sighed tiredly.

_I know that!_

"Oh! If Essie-chan went to his school, then you MUST know what happened to Rin-chan!"

"I'm not going to tell you anything!" I vehemently argued back, his words hitting me like a ton of bricks.

"Then can I tell them?" Gou asked, studying me silently.

When I fell silent, she took it for assent, and went on. "Estelle and brother went to the same swimming school in Australia. They were friends and roommates. But… I think… Something happened when brother was 12. He wouldn't say a word to us about Estelle when we visited him during the holidays. Then we found out that she's left the school months ago, because of private reasons."

Makoto and Nagisa were staring at me, their jaws slack, and their eyes sympathetic.

I coloured. "Stop giving me that look!" I hissed, wishing I had walked away before Gou had come along. I didn't want _anyone's _sympathy, especially not theirs.

Then Nagisa chirped, his eyes welling up with determination. "I've got a great idea! Let's start a swimming club!"

My eyes hardened. "After what that… That… Jackass did, there's no way I'm joining your pathetic little club," I spat out venomously.

I regretted the words as soon as I'd said them. The hurt in Nagisa's eyes was almost too much to bear, and I felt sick knowing that I was the one who had caused it. I didn't want to become another Rin, running around leaving scars and breaking hearts. But I couldn't take my words back, it was far too late for that.

So I did what I was only good for: I ran away.


	5. How Many Times Do I Have To Say It?

"No." I pressed my lips tightly together; whipping my head from side to side furiously, as if by doing so would cause Gou to vanish. No such luck; Gou is still standing there, seemingly unperturbed by my negative reaction. "No freaking way."

"_PLEASE_!" Gou widened her eyes dramatically.

I rolled my own eyes. "You do know that only works on your tsundere elder brother, right?"

"What?! No, really?!"

"_Yes,"_ I said through gritted teeth, resisting the urge to run away.

As quick as Gou was to feel infuriated, she was also quick to forgive. My little flare-up yesterday had been easily brushed aside when I had gathered up the courage to apologize. Of course, that could have been due to the fact that Gou wanted me to join the swim club…

"Seriously, Gou, I really don't want to coach anyone. I'm not even qualified."

_Or worthy…_

"Why not? Everyone's helping, even Ama-chan sensei!"

"… How the hell did you manage that?"

"Oh, Makoto-senpai and Nagisa did it. You know about the rumour in our class?"

"Erm… Which one?" I paused and screwed up my face, trying – and failing - to recall the few rumours that I'd heard so far.

"The one about Ama-chan sensei working for a swimsuit manufacturing company in Tokyo."

"No. So what happened?"

"Well, Ama-chan sensei was originally reluctant –"

_I don't blame her…_

"–But Makoto-senpai was awesome! He said that the club could use her input on the type of swimsuit they wore! Or something like that, anyway," Gou shrugged nonchalantly.

"Anyway, back to the topic at hand: Why me? Can't you sucker someone in using your feminine charms?" I demanded, stuffing my books into my bag and pushing my chair back.

"What?! **NO**! It's because you're really good at Maths, that's all!"

"Really? Is there more?" I turned my sceptical gaze onto her face, which slowly turned pink.

"…Um… Also, you and brother went to the same school, so…" She let her unfinished sentence hang in the air.

_I knew it._

"My answer will still be no," I replied, shoving my chair back into place. "And now, if you'll excuse me, I have to run,"

To Samezuka Academy, to be exact. Alyssa had offered to drive me there, but I had put my foot down and said a firm 'no'. Alyssa had a life too, and she couldn't go on being my personal chauffer. So I ended up taking the train.

Miss Hideki wasn't there to greet me this time – something about a meeting, but she had provided me with a handy map of the school compound. The guard at the gate recognized me from my last visit there, and waved me through.

Smiling my thanks, I took my visitors' pass and headed towards the swimming pool, the map clutched firmly in one hand, and my pass dangling from around my neck. I had been instructed to work with the swimmers today, and I didn't protest, as much as I would have liked to. (Yes, I hated everything swimming related _that_ much.)

I swiped my visitors' pass and the twin glass doors swung open. Giving my school blazer a tug and tightening the two ribbons in my hair, I set my jaw and walked in.

The familiar smell of chlorinated water hit me like a ton of bricks, bringing me back to another time, another place, with a different boy, and a younger me.

"_NO! Rin, stop splashing me!"_

"_Then you have to promise you won't make me run laps today!"_

"_NO! It's part of your- Hey, that's cold! I swear I'll triple your training menu if you don't stop!"_

Shaking myself out of my stupor, I marched over to an orange haired boy. He was barking out orders to a bunch of quaking first years, and I assumed he was the Captain.

"Excuse me," I tugged lightly on the sleeve of his jacket.

"Hm? Oh. You must be Estelle. Miss Hideki told me you were coming. Hmm… Let's see… Today, you can work with the first years. Help them build up stamina and muscles, the usual. I assume you know what to do?"

I fought down the urge to hit him.

_Of course I do, you idiot! If I didn't, why would I even be here in the first place?!_

"Of course I do," I smiled sweetly. "So, who am I working with first?"

He pushed a grey-haired boy forward. "This is Nitori. Nitori, this is Estelle. Both of you look after each other!" He wagged a finger in my face and left, probably to check up on the other team members.

Nitori was nervous, that much I could tell.

"Hello, Nitori-kun. Let's get along well!" I tried to sound as soothing as I possibly could, hoping that that would set him at ease.

Surprisingly, it worked. I could see his tense muscles slowly relaxed, and his breathing slowed. He even smiled back at me.

"Shall we begin?" I held out a measuring tape. Nitori nodded, and held out his left arm.

As I worked, Nitori chattered on, no longer timid and quiet. He had warmed up to me, and only needed a grunt or two to keep on going.

"I swim freestyle, but I doubt I'll ever be able to swim as well as Matsuoka-senpai. He used to go to this really elite sports school in Australia, and from what I've heard; he's absolutely amazing – OW!" Nitori broke off, and winced as the tape dug into his skin.

"I'm so sorry!" I apologized, hastily unwinding the tape from his arm. I hadn't meant to react quite so strongly at his statement.

"By any chance, does this Matsuoka-senpai of yours have red eyes and hair?" I prompted, digging my notepad out of my bag and avoiding Nitori's eyes.

Nitori rose to the bait like a champ. "Oh, yes! Why?"

"No reason," I murmured, trying to sound as blasé as I possibly could.

Once I had finished scribbling on my notebook, I ripped a page out of it and handed it over to a confused Nitori. I gave him my best smile. "Be a dear and give this to Rin, would you?"

"Omigawd, has all that Maths finally killed you?" Alyssa demanded, marching into my room barely ten minutes after I had come home from Samezuka.

"Haha, very funny. Not." I griped, pressing my face deeper into my pillow. I had been wondering if I had done the right thing, giving that note to Rin, when Alyssa had stuck her head into my room.

"So what's wrong, then? C'mon, turn that frown upside down!" Alyssa sat down on my patchwork quilt, and yanked the pillow out of my reach.

"Give it back!" I demanded, glaring at my guardian.

"Not until you tell me what's wrong!" Alyssa was firm.

"Fine!" I gave in without too much of a fight. I needed someone to talk to, and this was the perfect excuse to do so. "I think, No, I hurt a friend a few days ago," I admitted quietly, my brief spat of anger vanishing just as abruptly as it had come. Every time I closed my eyes, I could see Nagisa's face, his eyes all huge and dark and hurt-looking. And it wasn't pleasant to know that _I_ was the one who had made him look like that.

"Stop my beating heart!" Alyssa clutched her bosom dramatically. "You have _friends_?!"

I pinched her arm. "I'm serious!"

"OW! Okay, okay… Geez. Why don't you make her something?" Alyssa rubbed the sore spot and stuck her tongue out at me.

"That's mature," I commented offhandedly, mulling the idea over in my head. It wasn't a bad one, as compared to some of Alyssa's previous hare-brained ones…

"_Estelle! Let's take vows of chastity and become nuns! Or maybe even priests!"_

"_Estelle! Let's pilot giant robots and fight to change the universe!" _

"_Estelle! Let's fight man-eating giants!"_

I shuddered, and poked Alyssa in the ribs. "So? What should I make?"

Alyssa's eyes glazed over.

_Uh-oh…_

"You could give her a glass skull. Or you could give her an inflatable duck! Oh, or some cookies would be fabulous!"

"I think I'll stick with the cookies idea," I flinched inwardly at the thought of giving Nagisa a skull.

_I'm not trying to curse him!_

I hopped off my bed and ran towards the kitchen, away from Alyssa and her crazy ideas.

**OMAKE**

Alyssa sat on her niece's bed and chuckled softly as she watched Estelle run off. "She's all grown up now… Taking responsibility for her actions, and trying to make up for it…" She sighed blissfully. "Estelle's friend sure is lucky…"

Then her face paled, remembering the charred mess that had resulted when she had tried to teach Estelle how to make an omelette.

_We're lucky to still have a kitchen!_

"…Or not! _CRAP!_ **Estelle**!" Alyssa was up in two seconds flat, dashing off after the girl, hoping that she could save Estelle's friend from an untimely death.

_Hi everyone! Did you get all the anime references I used? To the people who have followed, favourite and reviewed my story, THANK YOU SO MUCH. Knowing that people actually enjoy reading my work is what motivates me to spend my recesses in the library writing and writing till my hands drop off. (Kidding!) Also, I'm thinking of doing one of those OC swimming club stories… They do seem pretty popular, and I'm curious. What do you people think? Since, my holidays are coming up, I'll probably update again soon! Until then, adieu!_

_XOXO,_

_SamLim29_


	6. I Won't Regret My Choice!

_Breathe in and out. Breathe in and out. C'mon, Stell, you can so do this! Are you a man?! Or are you a chicken?! Well, I'm actually a girl, but never mind. I can do this. Remember how many times you practiced yesterday? For __**ONE**__ freaking hour! C'mon, be a __**MAN**__! _

My little pep-talk of sorts done, I walked over to Nagisa and unceremoniously dumped a sparkling package on his lap.

"Here," I muttered, hoping that my cheeks weren't as red as they felt. "'M sorry."

Nagisa nodded, his smile never faltering as he ripped the packet open. "Wow! Chocolate chip cookies! My favourite!"

I smiled sheepishly; I couldn't take any credit for those beauties: Alyssa had insisted on making them for me. She wouldn't even let me measure out the ingredients – all I had to do was wrap up the finished product.

"I'm sorry too, Essie-chan," Nagisa apologized through a mouthful of cookie. "It was mostly my fault. Mako-chan reckoned that I 'shouldn't have been so insensitive'."

I was pretty taken aback, to say the least. I hadn't expected anyone to notice… Or even care. But then again, the dude DID seem like the motherly sort… "Oh. Oh, then that's all fine and dandy," I huffed, looking away as the heat in my cheeks died down.

Neither of us spoke for a moment.

"But we still need help rebuilding the pool! With only three of us, it's going to take _forever_! We'll be old men before we even get to swim!"

"I wouldn't bet on it," I answered absently, thinking of how much Haruka loved the water. I was sure that he'd find a way to restore the pool to its former glory, by hook or by crook.

"We need help, but even Ama-chan sensei wouldn't even lift a finger!"

I sighed, clearly knowing what was coming next.

"Essie-chan…" As if on cue, the (in) famous puppy dog eyes and trembling rosebud mouth appeared.

I cursed inwardly. "OK, OK, I'll help! So cut it out already!"

_Those eyes will be the death of me!_

The next few days were _torture_. How the hell could one stinking pool hold so many weeds?! The logic was beyond me. The sun was determined to melt us, constantly beaming down on our backs. My blouses were all soaked with perspiration and smudged with dirt.

There was also the matter of finding new members. I wasn't much of a social butterfly, so I wasn't much help there. Nagisa knew this, and he thankfully didn't ask me to strip down like he'd planned Ama-chan sensei to do…

"_It's no use!" Nagisa cried out dramatically, flopping down onto the worn leather sofa in the club room. "I've asked and ASKED, but no one wants to join us!"_

_From where I was seated next to Haruka in the corner, I turned around to glare at Nagisa. "Excuse me? Are you telling me that I wasted 4 hours of my life fixing up a pool that'll never be used?!"_

_Both Makoto and Nagisa flinched away from the pure venom in my voice._

_Nagisa gulped, but managed to go on. "It's time to use our one of our last resorts – Essie-chan, would you –?"_

"_Whatever your question is, the answer is no," I replied, turning my attention back to Haruka's elegant fingers, which were skilfully fashioning little trinkets of the mascot._

"_What?! But I haven't even finished my sentence yet!"_

"_Were you planning on forcing me into a bikini or something?" I demanded, narrowing my eyes._

"_Er…"_

"_See? No, leave me out of your hare-brained scheme, thank you very much,"_

_Nagisa had the gall to sigh disappointedly, as if I had somehow let him down. "Then we'll use our final resort! We have Ama-chan sensei give the shirt off her back for us!"_

"_How so?" Makoto asked, glancing nervously at Haruka, who was busy filling up the box next to him with little Iwatobi swim club mascots, or whatever they were called._

"_We advertise the fact that Ama-chan sensei is our advisor, and tell everyone that they'll get to see her in a swimsuit if they join!"_

_Makoto sweatdropped. "I see… That's giving up her shirt, alright…"_

"_Excuse me…" Ama-chan sensei sounded as sweet as honey. Poisoned honey, that is. She stalked over to the two boys, who were shaking like leaves in a sandstorm. "If you do that, I'll quit immediately! I swore that I would never wear a swimsuit again! Are we clear?" She smiled angelically, as if to prove her point._

"_Very," Makoto and Nagisa answered promptly. _

_Needless to say, that subject was never brought up again._

Dinner dates and movie trips with Alyssa were cancelled with only the flimsiest of excuses – it was a miracle that Alyssa hadn't found out. Yet. You could never really tell with my Aunt. If she noticed the damp, sweat-stained blouses, or how late I was every night, she didn't show it, and refrained from asking me questions.

Then one day, Alyssa came to pick me up early, and I knew I was sunk.

"Here," I set the plastic bag of drinks down next to Makoto, who turned to thank me with a smile.

Gou came over as soon as she was done giving Nagisa his drink. "But I don't get it," She smoothed her skirt down before she knelt on the tiled floor. "Why didn't you try to -?"

"Ah, Estelle-chan!" Ama-chan sensei waved me over, promptly interrupting whatever Gou had been trying to say. "Your aunt is here to pick you up!"

"Oh, okay, just-EH?! ALYSSA?!" I squawked, narrowly missing smacking Makoto in the face with my hair as I whipped around.

There she was. It was like a nightmare – Only that this one was _real! _Alyssa, her hair freshly washed and out of its usual messy bun, was dressed up to the nines in a black suit with a Hermes scarf knotted around her neck, a mink thrown over the whole ensemble.

I swore my jaw dropped. "Alyssa, what the hell?!"

My aunt continued to smile that infuriating Mona Lisa smile. "Estelle, what a surprise! I got off work early and thought that I'd take you out for dinner! But I never expected to find you at a _pool_ of all places! Are these your friends?"

"Er… Maybe. Sort of. This is Kou, Makoto, Nagisa, Haruka and Ama-chan," I introduced them with a brief wave.

Alyssa eyes took them in. The dirty uniforms, the sweat trickling down their faces… Then she smiled, and I knew that she had sized them up right.

"It's a pleasure to meet you all. I'm Estelle's aunt, Alyssa."

A choruses of 'hi's and 'nice to meet 'you's echoed back at my Aunt. Thinking it was safe to leave my friends and aunt together for a few minutes, I practically bolted back into the club room to get my bag, hoping and praying that Alyssa wouldn't say anything nutty…

When I came back out, my bag in one hand and my blazer in the other, my Aunt's smile had widened. I glanced at her suspiciously. "What did you do?"

"Nothing," Alyssa's voice was deceptively casual. "Shall we go?"

The restaurant had 'Alyssa' written all over it. My aunt loved sushi. It was a reasonably cheap meal if you stuck to the basic menu, and it was delicious if you went to the right place.

"Spill," Alyssa commanded, taking off the mink she was wearing and flinging it over the back of a chair.

I felt the colour rise into my face. "Do I have to?"

"Yes." Alyssa replied, in a voice that left no room for arguments.

I didn't mean to open up, but Alyssa seemed genuinely interested and I found myself pouring out the details of my life at school. I had never related my school life to anyone before, and as I told it, I felt as if the past few days had been a dream. Some sort of weird and crazy dream. And that any minute now, I would wake up in my own bed.

While I talked, Alyssa organized lunch. I had never seen her this coordinated, this commanding before. She seemed perfectly at home with all the waiters and they responded by showering her with more attention than she deserved. By the time my story had rolled to a close, bowls of salad and plates of raw fish had magically appeared on the table. There was also a bottle of chilled Chablis and two glasses.

Alyssa took a sip of her Chablis and considered what she was going to say next. Finally she went on.

"What about Rin?"

I laughed shortly. "What about him?"

"Does he know about you and these boys? More than that, do they even know about you two?"

I winced. "Please don't call us that. We're not a couple."

"Sorry. But do they?"

"Nope. Hell if I'm going to tell them."

Alyssa pursed her lips, but didn't say anything. "So you're going to let them find out on their own?"

"They already know a bit of what went on in Australia, so…" I trailed off, wrinkling my nose at the wine and choosing to sip at my iced water instead.

"Estelle." Alyssa looked up at me, her eyes darkening. "Your friends are good people. Please, listen to me for once, and don't let them slip away. Who knows? Joining this… Swim team may be what the doctor ordered. Not all swimmers are jackasses like Rin, you know,"

My lips twitched at the corners.

"I'll think about it," I sighed, massaging the bridge of my nose.

As soon as the bill had been settled, I was out of the restaurant in two shakes of a lambs' tail.

"Are you that eager to get home?" Alyssa looked at me, amused as she started the car. With a purr, the car pulled out of the parking lot and we were on our way home.

"I have homework," I answered, huddling into my blazer. I was cold, and the heater did little to relieve me of my shivering. My breath fogged up the window, and I amused myself by drawing funny faces in the condensation.

"STOP!" I yelled out suddenly, pressing my nose up against the glass in an attempt to see if that was really him. Alyssa jammed on the breaks.

"What is it _now_?" Alyssa panted, flicking a few strands of hair out of her face.

"Go home without me. I saw a friend," I replied, hastily unlocking the car door and scrambling out to join Makoto.

"Makoto-san," I greeted him easily, joining him to gaze out at the ocean, which looked like a dark velvet blanket in the night, the city lights of Iwatobi glittering on the surface of the water.

Behind me, I heard the Prius' engine start up again, and I knew that Alyssa had left.

"Oh! Estelle-chan!" He smiled fondly at me, snapping his phone shut.

My eyes flickered to the green phone. I swallowed. Hard. It was now or never…

"Say… Makoto-san… Would you mind if I made a call? To Rin?"

His eyes widened to the size of dinner plates, but all the same, he handed his phone over wordlessly.

I scrolled to his contacts, and tapped on 'Rin Matsuoka'. Once again, I swallowed hard and began my message when I had reached his voicemail.

"It's… It's Estelle. Listen. You're a jackass and I hate you, but… I'm joining Haruka's swim team. And you'd better join your school's team too, or I'll triple your- Argh! Forget that last bit! Just shut up and join the Samezuka Swim team!"

I winced inwardly at how whiny my voice sounded, but it was too late to regret my choice now. I turned to face Makoto, my eyes determined and resolute.

"Estelle, did you just…?"

I nodded.

"Yes. Makoto-san, I, Estelle Walker, will join the Iwatobi Swim club!"


	7. Seriously? His Name?

"Makoto-san, a little help would be much appreciated!" I gasped, my face turning pink as I struggled to free myself from Nagisa's vice-like grip around my neck.

Makoto looked up from where he was fussing over a sneezing Haruka and shot me an apologetic look. "Sorry about that! Nagisa, could you get off Estelle-chan? I think you're making her uncomfortable!"

"That's mean! I was only thanking her for joining our swim club!" Nagisa pouted, but released me anyway.

Much to my gratification, Nagisa had whooped like a banshee when I had broken the news to him and Haruka. It was official: I would be joining them. Haruka had looked as grateful as Haruka could look. He'd even given me an Iwatobi keychain as thanks, which in itself spoke volumes about just how grateful he really was.

"What's up with Haruka-san, anyway?" I called over my shoulder, picking up my crumpled Science notes and attempting to rearrange them.

"Haru, er, swam in the pool." Makoto scratched his cheek almost sheepishly, handing Haruka more tissues.

"It's _APRIL_," I pointed out.

"Exactly."

Oh. I got it. That explained why he was sneezing.

"I'm not a baby that gets sick from swimming in -"

_At-choo!_

"Right," I deadpanned, shaking my head. "Anyway, it's too early to even _think_ of setting foot in an outdoor pool. You lot will just have to wait. I'm thinking endurance runs and weight-lifting. Sounds good?"

I had to try really,_ really_ hard not to laugh out loud at the expression on Haruka's face. It was as if he'd rather die than do those things. Of course, Makoto and Nagisa didn't look all that eager either…

"Oh, and did you hear?" Nagisa chirped. "Rin-chan joined the Samezuka swim team!"

I nearly choked. "Are you serious?!" I spluttered, my eyes flying up to meet his.

Nagisa smiled coyly. "Essie-chan sure is interested… Were you the one who asked him to join?"

"_I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" _

Makoto grabbed me around the waist, effectively stopping me from rushing over to throttle the blonde, who was so near and yet so far at the same time…

"But this means that we might run into him at tournaments!" Makoto had to yell to make himself heard over my screeches of fury and Nagisa's giggles.

"We should totally enter tournaments! Then we can do relays again!" Nagisa managed to get out in between giggles.

"Are you serious?" I stopped writhing in Makoto's arms and looked disbelievingly at him.

"I only swim free," Haruka reminded everyone – as if we needed it! – Once again.

"EH?! Are you serious?!" Nagisa wailed, repeating my earlier statement.

"Besides," Haruka went back to flipping his magazine, conveniently ignoring Nagisa, who was nuzzling his side, in some sort of weird (not to mention unsuccessful) attempt to persuade him to go along with whatever Nagisa was planning. "We only have three people."

_I have to learn how manages to ignore Nagisa so effectively!_

"That's true…" Makoto mused, stroking his chin thoughtfully. Convinced that I wasn't going to (try) to murder Nagisa anytime soon, he had let go of me and I was free to crawl back into my comfortable corner.

"But that means we have to find one more member!" Nagisa buried his head in his hands, looking as if he'd found out that he and his friends were sexually attracted to one another. (Which they kind of were, in my opinion…)

The next day, when break time rolled round, I headed to the club room to find Gou waving a colourful flyer of some sort madly in the air, while Makoto and Nagisa stared at her – or were they staring at the flyer? – Like they had found a new god.

"What is that?" I enquired, setting my bag neatly in the corner.

"Oh, Estelle!" Gou smiled at me.

She'd been ecstatic upon finding out that I had finally agreed to join the swim club, claiming that her pleas 'had finally gotten into my head'. I didn't bother telling her that Alyssa's request had gotten into my head. Let her think that, as long as she was happy.

"This is a flyer for a gym! It has an indoor pool and everything too! I was thinking that schools like us with no indoor facilities probably use these!"

"As expected of our super manager, Gou!" Nagisa cheered.

"You're supposed to call me Kou!" The girl emphasised the word 'Kou'. "Oh, Haruka-senpai!" Gou's frown quickly changed into a smile as she greeted him.

I glanced up from the flyer, pushing my bangs aside. Without a word, I handed the flyer over. It was obviously what he wanted; if the way his eyes were boring holes into it were any way to go by.

"How do we pay for it?"

_Was that desperation I heard in his voice, or was it just me?_ Nope, definitely desperation, I confirmed, staring at him in awe. Was he really that desperate to swim?

"With our club budget, of course!" Gou beamed, thrilled that everyone liked her plan.

"We actually have a budget?" I asked caustically, eyeing the prices at the bottom of the page critically.

"Of course! All school clubs have one!" Nagisa sounded puzzled.

"I knew that. I was just wondering if our budget can even cover this gym… It's pretty expensive," I frowned, snatching the paper back from Haruka. "Besides, our club is brand-new. D'you think the school will even be willing to give us that much cash?"

"Aw, why do you have to be such a downer, Essie-chan?" Nagisa whined.

"I'm not being a downer! I'm just being realistic! There's a difference!" I snapped.

"Maa, maa. Why don't we ask Ama-chan sensei?" Ever the mother, Makoto tried to smooth things over.

"That's not happening." Ama-chan sensei was just as realistic as I had been just moments ago. "You're a brand new club with no accomplishments. The school isn't going to hand money out to you like that!" She wagged a finger in Nagisa's face. "There is an aphorism from the bible: He, who does not work, neither shall he eat."

"I don't think you're using that correctly,'' Makoto mumbled.

"You can't eat a pool," Nagisa sighed, in total agreement.

"So we'll get the money if we can deliver accomplishments?" Gou asked, staring intently at Ama-chan.

"Well, I suppose so. That's the best way to secure lots of money for your club," Ama-chan confirmed this fact with a nod of her chocolate brown curls.

"So what if we can place in a summer tournament?" Makoto asked.

His question visibly brightened the mood. Everyone (and by 'everyone', I mean Gou, Makoto and Nagisa), smiled.

"Your request might be approved at the second term budget review meeting. But you'll need 4 swimmers at least to bolster your case!"

"Swimmers…" Haruka murmured, playing with his collar.

I watched him warily from the corner of my eye.

_Was he going to strip?_

"One more… And I can swim all I want!" His blue eyes glittered as soon as he had made the connection.

I groaned, knowing what was coming next. "Haruka-san, _please_ don't-"

But it was too late. Iwatobi charm in hand, he strode up to the nearest group of students and began asking them to join the swim club. Needless to say, they refused.

_Sheesh… That guy's even worse at socializing than I am, and that's saying a lot!_

I hid a smile. "Is that the best he can do?"

Makoto nodded in response to my question.

Nagisa hopped up and down like a bunny rabbit. "Don't let it get to you, Haru-chan!"

_What the hell? Is that all you can say?_

"Remind me why we're here again?" I asked, letting Nagisa haul me and Haruka along after school had ended. Makoto and Gou trailed along with us.

Claiming that 'we had to come and see this!' he'd all but dragged us to the field. For what, I didn't know. And I was pretty sure that I didn't want to find out.

"The track team?" Makoto frowned at all the runners, who were busy stretching. "That's no good. He can't join us."

"Just look over there!" He pointed at a blue-haired boy with red-rimmed spectacles. "It's his _fate_!" He pronounced it dramatically, flapping his arms about like a chicken, which kid of ruined the moment, in my opinion.

"Was he in a swim team?"

"Does he have a record?"

Gou and Haruka exchanged glances.

"Nagisa. That's Ryugazaki-san, from our _class_." I pointed out, rubbing my temples and praying for patience.

"Exactly! It's his name!" Nagisa looked so pleased with himself.

"Name?" Makoto gave Nagisa a weird look.

"Yup! It's Rei-chan! He's a boy with a girly name, just like the rest of us!" Nagisa grinned, obviously waiting for the rest of us to agree with him.

"_That's_ your reason?!" Gou looked like she was considering hitting him with her school bag. "But I have to agree. Look at those deltoids!" This last statement came out as a squeal, and I hastily backed away.

_Are those sparkles I see around her?_

"That's _your_ reason?! Honestly! I don't think those are enough! Estelle, what do you think?" Makoto appealed to me; obviously wanting me to help him bring those two back down to earth. Nagisa was currently away in Rei-land, and Gou was away in Bicep-land. I didn't know if I had what it took to bring them back!

"Sorry, senpai, but I have to agree with them on this one," I shrugged unapologetically, giving the boy a casual once-over. He _seemed _fit enough…

"I can't really tell from here – he has to strip so I can see better, but from what I _can_ tell, he's pretty fit. He runs about 2.4 km every day before school, if I'm not wrong. He's got a lot of stamina, which is good." I sounded a little dazed as I imagined all the training menus I could make for him…

"My reason is good enough! And see? Estelle-chan agrees with me! You should listen to her!" Gou defended me – and herself.

Haruka's next comment of, "Look. He's about to jump," Successfully managed to shake me out of my daydream.

Everyone watched, slightly awe-struck as Rei executed a flawless pole-vault.

"His form is _beautiful_!" I burst out, before I could stop myself.

Makoto was nodding along just as enthusiastically as I felt. "He must be a great diver."

"**YES!** And his biceps are also very beautiful!" Gou gushed.

"Is that all you care about?" Makoto protested at Gou's priorities. (Or lack thereof.)

Only Nagisa continued to stare (or gape) at Rei, his eyes sparkling and his mouth agape.

"You haven't given up yet, have you?" I murmured, almost to myself. "If anyone can do it, it's you. Go for it!"

_OMIGAWD. Have you guys watched the latest episode of Shingeki yet? My brokoro is going broki-broki. __**LEVI'S FACE WHEN PETRA'S BODY WAS TOSSED OUT OF THE WAGON BROKE MY HEART. IT'S GOING TO HAUNT MY DREAMS TONIGHT.**__ The thought of all those families waiting for their (dead) loved ones in the scouting region to come home made me cry like a baby… My feels have literally ceased to exist this weekend. Hajime Isayama, I hope you're happy. Because I'm not. _

_Yes, SamLim29 ships RiveTra *Is so going to cry herself to sleep tonight* _

_XOXO, _

_Sam_


	8. He Can't Swim!

"Ooh, I like those ones," Alyssa gushed as I stuck out my foot to show off yet another pair of shoes.

I rolled my eyes, my long golden lashes giving the gesture an unneeded dramatic effect. "Um, hello! Earth to Alyssa! You've liked about every single pair I've tried on so far! Show me the ones you _don't _like!"

Alyssa's shoulders slumped as she pouted. "All I said was that I don't like them. I didn't say that you should get them…"

I raised my eyes heavenwards, praying for patience as I turned back to take pity on my aunt's rather fragile ego. It was a near-monumental act for me – I was known for being mercilessly blunt.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry," I sighed, patronizing her.

My aunt didn't seem to feel patronized at all, cheering up immediately. She turned away and plucked up another pair of shoes (hot pink kitten heels this time), gazing longingly at them. I heard her say, "I like these too…" as she wandered deeper into the shoe department.

I heaved a sigh, wrinkling my nose at the pair of wedges I had on. "I don't like these." I said to no one in particular.

The shopping trip had been meant to distract me from thinking about the combined practice with Samezuka later on in the afternoon. Just thinking about it made my stomach churn all over again.

Barely a day after Gou had called me to say that she would be arranging a practice session with Samezuka, I had fallen ill with the stomach flu. Alyssa had put it down to a combination of nerves and stress, and allowed me to stay home. (Rather, I stayed in the toilet with my phone and headphones most of the time. Alyssa brought me food on a daily basis, so I didn't starve. Do you know how annoying it was to have to get up and streak to the toilet when you wanted to hurl?_ It was a total pain in the ass._)

I assumed that feeling sick was only natural – Rin and I hadn't exactly been on good terms when we had said goodbye. But now I was struggling to concentrate on even the simplest of tasks, even one as easy as shopping.

Then Alyssa appeared, practically out of nowhere, carrying only one shoe box this time, surprisingly.

"You have to try this one on!" She urged, setting the box down in front of me.

I wasn't exactly ecstatic about the fact that I would be seeing my mother again after about half a year of peace. I wasn't thrilled about the fact that my _dear_ mother had sent me a custom made St. Laurent dress either. This shopping trip wasn't exactly my cup of tea – it had been Alyssa's idea. And even though I couldn't walk in heels, I had to admit that Alyssa had taste. The strappy three-inch heels were striking. They had a strap that crossed over the front of the ankle and clasped together with a subtle jewelled buckle on the side.

I nodded, standing up and stretching gracelessly. "It's okay. Can we go eat now?"

Alyssa was more than happy to oblige.

After we'd paid and left the department store, Alyssa dragged me to try a new Thai restaurant in the mall. I didn't need to be convinced. One thing I wasn't picky about was food – the more exotic, the better.

Whatever qualms I may have had about the quality of Thai food in Japan disappeared when the waiter placed our orders on the white oak table: Pad Thai, Swimming Angel and spring rolls. The smell of Jasmine-infused rice mingled with the scents of coconut sauces and chili peppers. By the time we were finished, I was stuffed and wondered if I would fit into my dress anymore.

On the ride to Samezuka, Alyssa chattered on and on. I was busy staring out the window, tuning out her incessant babbling until Alyssa leaned over and pinched me.

"Ow! What?!" I demanded, pretending that I just hadn't heard her, instead of letting on that I hadn't actually been listening at all.

"I _said_, are you sure you don't want me to take you home instead?" Alyssa asked, parking at the gates of Samezuka.

Oh no, not this, I thought, already feeling my resolve beginning to waver.

"No," I answered, shooting her my best smile as I shut the car door.

"I'm sorry I'm late!" I cried, dashing into the indoor pool.

"Oh, it's no problem… EH?! Estelle?!" Gou's jaw dropped, and everyone in the room turned to see who she was yelling about.

"_What_?" I asked her, tugging self-consciously at my pleated skirt. Now I wished that I hadn't worn my ruffled satin top just because Alyssa had told me to.

"You-You're wearing some sort of fancy top! _And_ you've got makeup on!" Nagisa was just as shocked as Gou was, his pink eyes widening the size of dinner plates.

I cursed inwardly. I'd forgotten to remove the eye shadow and blusher Alyssa had put on me.

"It looks awful, doesn't it?" I groaned, rummaging about in my bag for a wet wipe.

"Well, no, but-"

Haruka cut Makoto off. "Yes, it does. You'd look better without it."

Though I was slightly taken aback by his blunt statement, an unfamiliar feeling welled up inside of me.

"Thank you…" I murmured, heat rushing to my cheeks.

Then Rin walked in. And the light flush on my cheeks deepened into a full out blush-attack. After shooting me a knowing smile, Gou ran up to him, a wide grin threatening to split her face in half.

"Big brother!"

"Gou, what are you trying to do?" He asked gruffly, dropping his voice down to a whisper.

Nagisa ran up to Rin as well, dragging me along with him. He was obviously thrilled to see his old friend again. I wasn't.

"Rin-chan! We get to swim together again! Let's have fun together today!" Nagisa crowed, waving dementedly at him.

'"Together' ?" Rin snorted. "You guys are a waste of my time."

And before I knew what I was doing, I'd stood on my tiptoes and yanked sharply on his ear.

"_OW_! What the hell, Estelle?!"

"_Behave_," I hissed, scowling deeply at him.

He scowled back at me, and I wondered what was going on in his head. Was he going to hit me? But in the end, he merely clicked his tongue and walked away.

"What was that about?" Gou murmured in my ear.

"I… I just felt like it, I guess," I shrugged. "Besides, he was being a jackass."

"My brother really hurt you in Australia, huh? I'm sorry," Gou apologized, playing with a stray thread on her sweatshirt.

"You shouldn't have to apologize for what he did. It was a long time ago, so don't worry about it. Frankly, right now I'm more worried about how Rei will look in that swimsuit." I changed the subject quickly, not wanting to dwell on the past any more than I had to.

"Seijuro-kun sent him off a few minutes ago, so he should be back any minute now," Gou commented, wincing as she recalled how he'd practically forced poor Rei into borrowing a swimsuit from Nitori.

"There he is – OMIGAWD." My breath hitched in my throat. I wondered if that burning sensation was the feeling of my eyeballs melting in my sockets.

Rei was in a _speedo_. I think I died.

"The deal was that I wouldn't have to swim…" Rei mumbled, rubbing his temples.

I rubbed mine too. Anything to burn that image of Rei in a speedo out of my mind, because _man,_ was that image disturbing.

"It's fine," Nagisa tried to reassure him. "The individual time trials are just for practice."

"That's not the issue here!"

"Oh, it's Mako-chan's turn."

"Are you even _listening_ here?!"

I frowned. _It can't be… _

The whistle blew, and they were off!

I shoved a clipboard at Gou. "Here, you do the note taking. I have to speak to Ryugazaki-kun."

As Nagisa readied himself on the starting block, I sidled up to Rei.

"Rei-kun!" I whispered urgently.

"What?" His expression was one of pure, unadulterated apprehension.

"You can't swim, can you?"

"How did you find out?!"

"Never mind that, why the hell didn't you tell me us?" I barely noticed Nagisa executing a flawless dive into the water.

"Well, I assumed that I wouldn't be swimming, and-"

"Rei, we came here for a freaking _joint practice_! Of course there's going to be swimming! If you had issues, you could have told anyone of us!"

"What do tissues have to do with me not being able to swim?"

"Not tissues, _issues_!" I hissed crossly, shoving him towards the starting block. Nitori and Seijuro were already calling for him. "Just give it a go!"

Ever so reluctantly, Rei positioned himself on the staring block. I could see his lips moving, and knew that he was running calculations in his head.

The whistle blew.

Rei dove.

And belly-flopped into the water with the grace of an elephant.

"Um… Guys… He's not coming up. _He's not coming up!_" The terror inside of me built to a crescendo. I didn't want to have to give him CPR! More to the point, I didn't even _know_ how to give CPR.

_Lame._

Luckily for me, Haruka and Nagisa swam over to rescue him as soon as they heard my declaration.

Rei would be fine; though I doubted his ego would ever recover. Him sitting in the emo corner of doom with a towel draped over his head was proof enough of that. And I highly doubted that seeing everyone clustered around him was going to make him feel any better. So I hung back, giving him some space as Nagisa grilled him. From where I was standing, it looked like he was going to cry. Or maybe he wanted to become an ostrich and bury his head in some sand.

I knew what it was like to be a laughing stock. Rin had probably seen his unfortunate accident too, and would probably be laughing his ass off. _I hope you bite your tongue off and bleed to death, you jerk!_ I knelt down next to Rei, and laid a gentle hand on his arm.

"Hey. It's Haruka-san's turn to swim. Just watch, okay? It'll make you feel better!"

"I highly doubt that," Rei replied drily, but all the same, he glanced up just in time to see Haruka dive cleanly and smoothly into the water.

His eyes glazed over. His jaw dropped.

And I knew we had him, hook, line and sinker.

_Hey, everyone! I've just gotten into the Code:Breaker fandom! It's an awesome anime, but hardly anyone knows about it. So do me a favour and check out my code:breaker story. Pretty please with a cherry on top! *Shamelessly advertises* But don't worry, I plan to stick this story through til the end. Thank you for reading, and review if you can!_

_XOXO,_

_Sam _


	9. Sink or Swim? Yup, Sinking

"What _is_ that?" Gou demanded, wrinkling her nose at the gigantic, cumbersome pink furry thing in my hand.

I sighed, dropping my bag inside my locker and slamming it shut. "It's an invitation," I groaned, handing it over to an eager Gou.

Her hand sunk under the weight. After paging through several layers of feathers, glitter, tulle and rhinestones, she got to the writing part. It read:

_19 June 2013_

_To: Estelle Walker_

_Dearest Estelle,_

_You should know by now that I'm in town to meet up with a business associate, and I'd like to have dinner with you at our holiday home on Wednesday, 23 June, 7pm sharp._

_Please wear the St. Laurent dress I've sent, and be in the drawing room at five to seven. Alyssa has a list of spa appointments I've made for you._

_Your loving mother,_

_Sybil Greenfield_

Gou handed the invitation back to me when she had finished poring over it, and I unceremoniously shoved it into my locker as well.

"Your… _Mother_ wrote that?"

She was at a loss for words, and I didn't blame her.

"Yup." I nodded, popping the 'p' as I peeled off my stockings and unbuttoned my Mary Janes. "Pretty flamboyant woman, huh?"

"Understatement of the year…" Gou muttered, shaking her head in what could only be described as disbelief.

"Anyway," She continued as we left the club house, "I gave the boys my brother's old training menu. Did you write it for him?"

"It depends on which one you're talking about. Some of those things he came up with by himself, you know." I stared blankly at Rei in a neon yellow speedo.

_Wow… That's just… I can't even… And is that a penguin on his butt?_

"Um… The one dated 10th April, 2009."

"Yeah, that's one of mine," I nodded. "Where'd you find it? I thought Rin would've thrown it away by now. And what's up with Rei's speedo?"

"When I was cleaning the house."

I eyed her sceptically. "Does Rin even _own_ a penguin print speedo?"

"_NO!_ Not the speedo, the training menu! The speedo is awful, isn't it? Whoever gave it to him has an awful taste in clothing!"

Nagisa sneezed cutely.

"Have you caught a cold?" I asked him with a frown, raising my voice so that he could hear me.

"I'll be fine," He wiped his nose and hastily climbed out of the pool. "The water's probably just still too cold, but I'll adjust quickly."

I turned my attention to Rei. "And how are you coping? Okay? Is the training menu too tough? Should I shorten it?"

"Okay, no, and no. I only want to be as safe as possible." Rei gave his arm a final stretch, and pulled his goggles down over his eyes. "I've completely mastered the theory behind swimming. I won't embarrass myself again!"

I was sorely tempted to say otherwise, but instinct told me to let him think what he liked. Instead, I watched him step onto the starting block. I scrambled away from Gou, who was back in the wonderful world of bicep land, and settled down near Haruka, who was watching Rei with as much intensity as the others were. In his own, special Haruka-style way, that is.

Rei pushed off.

And belly flopped into the pool.

Everyone peered inside. Though he was shaking his butt in some weird form of swimming, he still sank like the Titanic.

With a great gasp, Rei burst to the surface of the water, his face a bright red from both lack of oxygen and embarrassment.

"Maybe you guys should try to teach him how to swim first?" I suggested.

Five minutes later, Makoto, Rei and Nagisa were all standing in the pool. Makoto the instructor, Rei the student, and Nagisa the test subject.

"Start him off with a simple turtle float," I called out, consulting one of my many notebooks.

I snapped it close with a sigh; Rin had never had this problem. No one at the swimming school had in fact. Which only led me to believe that I hadn't collected enough data. Or was my data inaccurate? Whichever it was, Rei Ryugazaki was a mystery just waiting to be solved. Or maybe he just wasn't as talented.

"ARGH, I'm not getting _anywhere_!" I wailed, throwing my arms up in frustration.

Feeling Haruka's questioning blue gaze on me, I elaborated, "I've never encountered a problem like Rei's before. I don't know how to help, and it's pissing me off!"

Haruka closed his eyes. "Just try your best. Things will work out eventually."

I stared at him. Was he actually _encouraging_ me?

"It's what my late grandmother used to say," Haruka defended himself, pulling off his goggles and shaking his hair out.

I hugged the training menu closer to me, hoping to shield it from Haruka's chlorinated hair-flick attack.

"Everyone in Queensgate could swim. They were all so good at it, too. But that was to be expected, since that school trained swimmers for the Olympics. That was Rin's dream. That was his reason for swimming. Do you have a reason?" I wondered, staring wistfully at the ripples blossoming across the water's surface.

"No. I don't have a reason."

"I see… So you're one of them…" I nodded to myself.

"One of what?" Haruka asked, a slight tinge of curiosity in his eyes.

I shook my head, and stood up. "It's nothing. I should go help Makoto-san and Nagisa now."

"**ESTELLE**?!" Everyone but Haruka stared at me in shock as I dashed into the club room.

Which was understandable. I hadn't shown for school this morning as Alyssa and I had needed to go to the seamstress for a last minute fitting. I was in my comfiest blouse, jeans and running shoes, a stash of papers in my hand.

"I can't stay for long!" I exclaimed breathlessly, pulling a new training menu out of my sling bag and handing it over to Rei. "I spent all night revamping this thing because Rei can't swim!"

Without waiting for a response, I shoved it into Gou's hands, along with the other papers. "I've also written down schedules for each day as I won't be able to come until after the 21st! I'm really sorry about this, but I've got a full schedule!"

"Of what?" Rei muttered.

I ignored him in favour of rifling through my bag to make sure that I hadn't left anything behind. Satisfied, I turned back to address Rei. "You'll need to learn how to swim in seven days."

Rei laughed loudly. "That's impossible!"

I felt my eyebrow twitch.

_Change in plans._

I whipped around and yanked sharply on his ear. "Quit laughing! It's not funny! If you can't make it, then this training regime will be useless!"

Rei's violet orbs quavered. He was obviously thinking about the endless practice sessions that stretched out before him.

"You think you have it bad," I grimaced, letting him go and turning on my heel. "I'd choose this over the hairdresser any day."

"_Hairdresser?!"_

Realizing that I'd said too much, I beat a hasty retreat to the safety of Alyssa's waiting Prius, cursing at my luck all the way.

_Really, those guys get all the luck._

_OMIGAWD, FREE IS ENDING. NOOOOO…. *cries in the corner* _

_And you'll never guess what my brother said. I was drawing Rin one day, and he happened to walk by. He saw the picture and said, "He looks like a jackass. You should be glad I don't treat you like that."_

_I didn't know if I should have laughed or cried. NII-SAN, WHY DON'T YOU LIKE MY BABY?!_


	10. The Devil Wears Jimmy Choos

Since I was busy getting primped out for the dinner party, Gou kept me updated through regular phone calls each day. (_"Nagisa taught Rei to swim the breast stroke today!" "… It didn't work out, did it?" "No. No, it didn't.")_ The rest of the time, I tried to study while a group of people plucked, massaged, waxed, microdermabrasion-ed, and straightened me.

The house Father and Mother had chosen after their marriage was by the seaside. It was a Georgian pile, probably owned by a wealthy manufacturer, and the stables in the back were big enough for a riding school. Not that the equestrian quarters held any interest for Mother. Father may have been mad about riding, but she was mad about comfort. If she was going to spend time out of Australia, Mother wanted to do so with as little inconvenience as possible. Father could have his fishing boat and his vegetable garden, but she wanted a drawing room with a fire you could sit in. She wanted a conservatory with orange trees imported from California and central heating so hot you could wander around in your nightie and never feel cold. And, of course, Mother had her way.

The inside of the Walkers' country retreat looked a little like a high-class heath farm, with one difference: the paintings and the furniture were all genuine. Sybil knew the locals sneered at the way she lived, but she didn't give a damn. Let them freeze to death in their shabby little huts if they wanted. As long as she was snug and insulated from the horrors of country living, that was all she cared about.

At ten to seven, Alyssa and I slid into the elegant drawing room. There was a fire burning in the huge grate, and despite everything, I felt myself beginning to relax.

There was no doubt about it; my mother knew how to make a room comfortable. Sybil had furnished it simply enough with long, pale sofas and plush velvet armchairs you disappeared into. But what gave the whole place a glow, and made you never want to move from it, were the floors. Sybil had kept the original wood, but instead of leaving the boards as they were, she had polished them to a skating rink gloss. Over them she had thrown a selection of rugs. There were kelims and flokatis and right in front of the fire was a vast throw made of real animal fur. That particular rug made me feel guilty. Some perfectly nice bear had died so that my mother could satisfy her need for luxury.

"Did you have a family?" I murmured, stroking the lifelike head with glass eyes and a leather nose.

My thoughts were interrupted by Sybil, who had waltzed into the room on her seven-inch Jimmy Choo sling backs.

"How many times have I told you not to sit on the floor," Sybil said crossly. "You'll ruin that skirt."

I got up unwillingly and went to sit on the sofa with Alyssa, who patted my knee consolingly. Sod the dress, I thought. It makes me look like a streetwalker anyway. I was knitted out in a Saint Laurent creation that was made for some prissy girl. It had a short, form-fitting bodice and a flirty, fluffy little skirt that ended in handkerchief points. It was breezy and cold, and I didn't like it one bit. My closets in the house were stuffed silly with things like this, all chosen by my mother, and I felt like a fool in all of them.

A butler came into the room and offered us a drink. Alyssa asked for champagne and I asked for a Coke, ignoring the pointed glare my mother sent my way. I knew I was allowed one glass of sherry before dinner, and mother would have probably preferred for me to drink that, but I didn't care. I didn't like alcohol particularly, and could never understand my parents' need to get slightly sozzled on chateau-bottled claret. Then I arranged my features into the blandest expression I could manage and prepared myself for the boredom to come. Gou had messaged me about an hour ago, when I was in the car, on my way here.

"_It's raining today, so we're having a meeting on why Rei can't swim at Haruka-senpai's house! Wish you were here! BFF, Gou."_

Sybil had chosen that night to talk about diets, so she opened the discussion with a few observations about my shape, none of which were complimentary.

By the time we had gone into the dining room and the butler had served the first course, my appetite had gone completely. I pushed the chilled melon around my china plate, and wondered why the hell my mother was so obsessed with the way people looked. Surely what mattered was whether they were interesting, or witty, or funny. The way they looked was a bonus, the icing on the cake. It was nothing to do with the real person underneath. I was about to put this point across to Sybil when I remembered: "_Good daughters always obey."_ I flinched, remembering the pain that usually came with the warning, and focused on tuning my mother out, while I dreamt about what the swim club was doing now.

Usually, I got away with smiling and letting Sybil talk through the meal, but tonight it wasn't enough.

"Try to offer an opinion when I ask you a question," Sybil snapped. "It's like talking to a brick wall!"

With an effort, I brought myself away from my thoughts about Haruka's house (or, at least, that's what I tried to think about), and pulled myself together. "I apologize. Could you please repeat your previous statement?"

Inwardly, I slapped myself for sounding so hoity-toity, but there was nothing I could do. This was the way I had been brought up; this was how it would always be around my parents.

"I was talking about the last time I lost over a stone when I wanted to work as a model."

I looked blank. It must have shown, too, for Alyssa hurried to (try to) save me from my mother's wrath. "Estelle, we were talking about your figure. Remember?"

I glanced up from my half-eaten melon.

"What's wrong with it?"

Now Sybil was really cross, her face darkening like the pewter grey clouds outside.

"Haven't you been listening to a word I've been saying all evening? I told you when we sat down it's time you thought about slimming down. The way you look now is okay in the pool, but when you return to Australia at the end of the year and start going to dances, you're going to look out of place."

"That's okay then," I mustered up all my courage, looking my mother straight in the eye. "I won't go to dances. It will spare both of us a lot of embarrassment."

Sybil's palm itched to smack her daughter right across those pink cheeks, but she stopped herself. This was their first meeting over half a year. It wouldn't do to go hitting her now.

"You will go to dances," She said firmly. "And you _will_ go looking the right shape. We've got plenty of time to slim you down."

Now it was my turn to lose my cool.

"Mother," I began slowly, praying for patience. "I'm perfectly happy the way I am. I don't want to look like you, I'm slim enough already!"

There was a short silence as we stared each other down over a sea of silver cutlery and polished mahogany. I could've sworn Alyssa tried to blend in with the furniture.

Sybil was the first one to speak.

"And what's wrong with the way I look?" She asked coldly, cutting off her words at the ends the way her elocution teacher had taught her. I shivered in the overheated room. I may have resented my mother and challenged her authority, but when it came down to it, Sybil still terrified me.

"There's nothing wrong with you," I said quickly, hoping that I wouldn't get slapped. "You're beautiful, everyone says so, and I agree. But this sort of thing doesn't suit me at all. Look at the dresses you make me wear," I said, warming to my theme. "Most of the time I look a clown in them, and it's not because I'm too heavy. You could slim me down to a wafer and I still wouldn't look right."

_Besides, how is 45kg considered as heavy?_

Sybil inhaled. She seemed to be considering her next words carefully. Instead, she pushed her plate away and picked up a little bell. She rang it twice and two servants appeared and served the main course. It was beef, very rare. On the side, in a serving dish was a pile of green beans, with no butter on them. And there were no potatoes to be seen. Typical, I thought, rolling my eyes. She diets even when she doesn't mean to.

My mother waited until the maids had left before going on. Then she said, "I don't want to be difficult with you, Estelle, but I don't think you know what you're talking about. You like to act the tomboy now, but quite soon you'll grow out of that, and then you'll come to appreciate just how useful I can be to you."

I speared a mouthful of rare steak angrily. I would never make my mother understand what I wanted, or even who I was. All I could do was sit here and play the dutiful daughter.

"Don't you know how difficult it's been for me? Seeing you getting passed over by boys? Seeing all those mean girls at the swimming school snigger at you? If you got a makeover it would show them all!"

Unbelievable. My mother thought that I'd gotten laughed at because I wasn't pretty enough. Then her next sentence really got me going.

Wait for it…

"Maybe that's why Rin dumped you!"

If I'd been drinking my Coke, it would have shot out of my nose and mouth. "Mother," I said as calmly as I could without screaming like a banshee and flipping the table over. "Rin did _not_ dump me. We weren't even together in the first place!"

"Really. Is that what he told you before he changed coaches?" She arched an eyebrow, staring at me like I was something on the bottom of her designer shoes.

"Shut up." I told her quietly, clenching my fists so hard they turned white.

The next thing I knew, there was a sharp smack. Black spots coloured my vision, and my cheek throbbed.

_Guess I hadn't been quiet enough._

Gathering my wits about me, I pushed my chair back and ran out the dining room. I could hear Alyssa calling my name, frantically pleading for me to come back. I didn't listen, sprinting past startled servants and heading out into the pouring rain.

It hurt. I hadn't expected mother to slap me. Or rather, I hadn't wanted to believe that she was still capable of slapping me.

There was no Estelle Walker. I wanted to be cold and wet and nameless. The rain pounded on me like a thousand fists. I let it. I wished it were a tidal wave, a tsunami, a hurricane that would destroy everything and carry me away, away to a place where I didn't exist.

"Estelle?"

I stopped short. I knew that voice. Slowly, not daring to believe my luck, I turned around to see one Haruka Nanase standing at the porch, feeding a couple of cats.

"Haruka-san?"

Wine-red eyes stared into blue ones.

Wordlessly, he pointed at the door to his house. A silent question. _Do you want to come in?_

I nodded soundlessly.

Gou, Rei, Nagisa and Makoto were all there, chattering away happily, and fighting over the last slice of pizza, which had no doubt been their dinner. What I wouldn't have given to have just been an average kid, whose biggest problem was finishing the last piece of pizza before anyone else could.

Then they saw me, and all conversation stopped. Rei's eyes bulged. Makoto was far too polite to stare, but Gou was gawking at me like I had just declared myself to be a man-eating Titan. Nagisa's mouth fell open, revealing a chewed up mouthful of cheese and pepperoni. My stomach heaved. I _did not _need to see that.

I pushed my sopping wet bangs out of my face, and tried for a smile.

"Hey, guys." I tried to sound happy and upbeat, but my greeting came out sounding more like a strangled sob.

Haruka shut the door and waved me over to the sofa. I hesitantly sat, knowing that my butt would leave a wet print on it.

"You don't have to do that, you know," Haruka's eyes bored into me, and I gulped, feeling like he could see beyond the royal blue sateen.

"Do what?"

"Act like you're happy. Because you're not." Haruka plopped down beside me.

"I know," I mumbled, acting unthinkingly and pressing my face into his shoulder.

"_Estelle… Your smile is so fake! So stop acting like you're happy when you're really not! It's okay, you can cry on me!"_

It was an accident. It was supposed to be an accident. I stiffened, surprised by my brazenness, waiting for him to shrug me off, or to say something, anything. He didn't. I sighed.

"You smell nice. Like… Cinnamon," I murmured sleepily into his shoulder.

That was the last thing my mind registered. Cinnamon. Rin smelled like that too.


	11. IMPORTANT!

Hey, guys. To all of you loyal readers, who have helped to make my story a hit, thank you very much. But I am sad to say that the Life of Estelle Walker will be going on a short hiatus for about 2 weeks or so. My EOYs are around the corner, and I have to pass all my 9 subjects, or I won't be able to take the subjects I want. So I'll be taking a break (if you can call studying my ass off a 'break') for a while, but fret not – I SWEAR I'll update the day my last paper finishes.

Also, dear readers – one final request. For those of you who are reading this announcement, and who watch Shingeki No Kyojin, please, PLEASE, check out my new story: "The Elite Squad… Of Girls?!" I desperately need OCs for this story, and so far I've only got 2 responses. My friend requested me to make a story like this, and I really don't want to let her down! So please do me a favour and check it out, would you?

SamLim29, signing out!


	12. The Day After

I woke to the smell of frying mackerel.

For a few seconds, I thought I was back home, safe and sound with Alyssa. It had been a long time since I had had real fried fish for breakfast, a traditional Japanese breakfast instead of a Western one.

But when I opened my eyes, I found myself not in my calming blue bedroom, surrounded by playful sea creatures on the walls, but in Haruka's house, all soothing tones of grey and brown.

"I'm here? But then what about Alyssa?" I wondered groggily. What had _happened _last night?

What had happened last night began to return in bits and pieces as I brushed a casual hand over my face, hovering uncertainly over the sore spot on my cheek.

What had happened last night began to return in bits and pieces as I poked at my bruise, hissing in pain as soon as I touched it.

Mom. I'd gone to her house for dinner and she'd slapped me. I'd ran (because that was the only thing I was good for) to Haruka-san's house… And he'd let me stay the night on his couch apparently.

Had I really spent the night with Haruka? I'd _never_ spent the night with _anyone _before. Not even Rin.

"If you're awake, then could you please get off my shoulder?" A cool, if somewhat emotionless voice asked politely.

I turned and saw Haruka, his azure eyes boring onto my face. I shrieked and cringed away. At my scream, Makoto poked his head into the sitting room. And that made me scream louder. Uncharacteristic, I know, but I was still on edge, and more than just a little disoriented…

"M-Makoto-san? What…?"

He gave me a look that said: I'll explain later, and turned to Haruka. "Haru, why don't you take a bath?"

He nodded wordlessly and headed off for the bathroom. I missed his warmth, but I sure as hell wasn't going to tell anyone that!

"There's a jacket there," He commented mildly, pointing at the crumpled blue heap on the sofa. I pulled it on, grateful for the warmth. Cinnamon. Again.

"Um… So you kinda fell asleep on Haru yesterday, and you wouldn't let go. It was late, and Haru didn't want to move you, so we had to just let you stay there."

"And the shirt?" I demanded, gesturing at the clean, white cotton, which barely reached my fingertips.

"Haru's. BUT GOU CHANGED YOUR CLOTHES." Makoto added, hurrying to explain upon seeing my 'WTF' expression.

"Gou made sure his eyes were shut. And she'll be coming over with your school uniform soon."

I relaxed. That sounded okay. Until…

"Wait. Did I say anything?"

Makoto's face reddened. "Um…"

"Tell me. Now." Dread welled up in my stomach.

_Please, oh, please. Why did I have to talk in my sleep here of all places?_

"It was mostly about Haru and Rin. You said their names a lot. And… Um… Something about them smelling nice?"

_Fantastic. If word of this gets out, I'm never going to live it down._

The sound of running water stopped.

"Haru should be done now. I'll go and check on him. Bathroom's down the hall, third door on the left."

So, gathering the hoodie to myself, I popped off the bed and headed into the tiny white bathroom. What I saw in the mirror reassured me. I didn't look like some horrific member of the undead. I actually looked sort of… Good, I guess. My hair wasn't a total birds' nest, and aside from the huge splotch of dark blue on my face, I was perfectly fine. I stared at the colour, mesmerized, until Gou knocked on the door.

"It's Gou. Can I come in?"

"Okay," I replied, folding up Haruka's clothes neatly and sinking into the warm water.

_Bliss._

An armful of clothes in one hand and my shoes in the other, Gou marched in briskly.

"I've just been to your house. We called your Aunt yesterday, to tell her where you were, so she's not worried. These are your clothes and toothbrush, and your bag's in the living room. There's a present for Haruka inside."

I stared at her. Boy, was Gou efficient. She should consider being a PA for some swanky celebrity.

I pulled on my uniform then cleaned my teeth, struggling with the knots in my hair while Gou watched me, silent glee dancing in her eyes.

"You and Haruka-senpai would make a cute couple," She commented off-handedly, snickering under her breath.

"Shut up." I tightened my ribbons and shrugged on Haruka's hoodie.

"It's cold," I explained to Gou, who looked like she wanted to burst into song.

"Estelle-chan, are you ready?" Makoto called from the kitchen, where the smell of mackerel, now joined by toast, was stronger than ever.

I called, "Uh, I think so," and followed the sound of his voice.

Haruka, already dressed, was nibbling on some mackerel toast. Makoto offered me the other piece, and I took it gratefully. Mackerel wasn't exactly my cup of tea, but hey. Beggars couldn't be choosers. I didn't want to trouble Makoto – or Haruka – even more than I already had.

"Just one more thing before we go," Makoto held out some medical supplies. "We have to clean up your cheek."

I backed away in a hurry. "Oh, no, it's fine, I'll just put some ice on it."

Haruka ate the last bite of his toast and fixed his eyes on me. "I'd do what Makoto says. He won't stop bugging you until you do."

I nodded reluctantly, letting Makoto swipe some anti-biotic cream on the skin. I thought that would be that. Then – "Haru, the bandage?"

_Bandage?!_

Haruka held out some gauze and plasters.

"Oh, hell NO –"

Haruka stuck the damn bandage on my cheek, smirking at my frustrated expression.

_Well, I'm glad one of us finds this funny! Tch, smug bastard'll probably have a swelled head when I give him the present. _

_The present, _I realised with a start._ How do I give that to Haruka? I don't want to seem like some sort of love struck schoolgirl…_

I met Gou's eyes, desperately pleading for her help. Thankfully, she understood, herding the boys out of the house.

Quietly, I placed the tin box on the kitchen counter and slipped out after them, hoping that Haruka would understand.

As we stepped of Haruka's house, and into the sunshine of the bright summer morning, Gou drily informed us that we would be going swimsuit shopping tomorrow, as per Rei's orders. Apparently his speedo, (loaned to him courtesy of Nagisa) was not "streamlined enough". Nagisa had just texted her, which explained the glares shot at her pink cell phone.

_Shopping again? Joy._

Which was how I found myself decked out in a turquoise dress with cap sleeves and an A-line skirt, with white leggings and a pair of fawn coloured suede boots, standing in a department store on a holiday. A freaking school holiday. At 10am. In the morning.

_If Rei doesn't find a swimsuit today, I'll kick him in the ass, I swear I will!_

"I'll go look around, okay?" I asked Gou, who barely even glanced in my direction as she shamelessly ogled at the Iwatobi boys, who were showing off quite a lot of bare skin and muscles as they tried on swimsuits, one after another.

Taking her silence as consent, I hastily made my escape, wanting to get away from their awful choices of swimsuits.

I didn't really have a destination in mind – I just wandered about the department store aimlessly, poking at the goggles here, checking out the body boards there. I didn't even need a swimsuit. I already had one – a simple black Calvin Klein one-piece, with a matching white sarong made of muslin. Anything to get away from the weird (albeit hot) guys known as my friends.

Just as I was putting a skimpy sequinned bikini back onto its rack, a very familiar voice called my name.

"Estelle?"

Surprised, I glanced up, a strand of blonde hair falling into my face, and groaned inwardly.

"Rin?"

He ran a hand through his hair. "We need to talk."

I squared my shoulders. And nodded.

_This time for sure. I won't cry when I look at your back!_

**Hey guys. I know I said that I'd be on hiatus for 2 weeks, but it's 11.29 where I am, and I couldn't sleep, so… Result! One new chapter! If you've been reading my author's notes, you'll know that I have an older brother, and I've just found out that he's applied to Cambridge. Yeah, Cambridge. I saw the forms on his laptop. I live in Asia, and if I'm not wrong, Cambridge is in London. And that's very far away. I really, really don't want him to go, and I think I'm beginning to know that this is how Gou must've felt when Rin went to study abroad… Sorry, I've been rambling. My exams so far are OK-ish. Sort of. But I think I botched the Maths Paper. Linear graphs and mensuration killed me. I've just got two more to go, then I'm free to update every single day! Please review, and thank you for reading this insanely long rant and my story. Oh, and for those of you who watched Diabolik Lovers, I've posted a story about that – do go check it out if you can!**


	13. Well That Certainly Went Well

"_You _want to talk to _me_?" I asked, regarding him sceptically.

His steps didn't falter as he threw a "Yes" over his shoulder. I followed, my heart thumping wildly in my chest.

_Keep it together Walker, keep it together… _

"So? What the hell do you want?!" I snapped, some of my old fire coming back.

I still hadn't (and probably would never) forgive him for tossing me aside like a used doll. Even if he did cut a nice figure in jeans and a loose shirt. It was a good look for him. Really good. _Shut up,_ I told my mind (and my hormones), and tried to focus on his reply. Anything but him.

Rin's eyes narrowed as he took a good look at my face. "Did someone hit you?" He demanded.

I blinked. Was that… Worry I heard?

"Um… Yeah. It was my Mother. But it's fine, nothing too serious, just a bruise," I murmured, tucking my hair behind my ear.

He exhaled. "Oh. Oh."

Then…

"I got your message." He cleared his throat to clear some of the tension.

I nodded curtly, calming down some. "I know. Gou-chan told me. But I get the feeling that you didn't do it for my benefit."

"No, I didn't."

_Ouch, that's cold._

"Your response has just warmed the cockles of my heart," I said drily, fiddling with one of my ponytails. "So? Why did you do it then?"

"Why did _you_ join the swim club? I don't think Gou's persuasion was the reason," He countered just as swiftly.

I scowled. This bastard was _not_ going to give an inch, was he?

_Fine. Two can play at that game._

"It wasn't. But I don't see why I have to tell you that."

We both stared each other down. Nearly one minute passed before Rin spoke again, his tone laced with frustration.

"You haven't changed one bit Estelle."

"I can't say the same about you," I replied, watching smugly as I saw anger pass over his face like a shadow.

It was a low blow, and I knew it. Hitting below the belt wasn't my style. It never had been. Or so I thought.

I inhaled a calming lungful of air, and struggled to compose myself. "I'm sorry, that was low. Forget I said it. My Aunt persuaded me to join. There. I said it. Now why did you join the Samezuka Swim Team?"

I knew what the answer was even before the words were past his lips. "To beat Haru."

My brow furrowed. "What? You're still hung up over what happened that time –"

"NO!" His voice was getting louder now, more agitated, and it kind of frightened me. Not that I would ever tell him this, of course.

"You're wrong! It's got nothing to do with… With that. Haru and I raced a few weeks ago, and…"

I arched an eyebrow, clearly knowing where this was going. "You won, right? So what's wrong?"

"It didn't mean anything! He was out of shape! The victory was expected! This time… This time, I want to race him on my own terms!"

My brow furrowed even more.

_A few weeks ago… But I wasn't their coach then… And Haruka looked fit. But I suppose my version of "fit" and Rin's is completely different. _

"Okay, so what do you want me to –"

"Train him! Coach him! Do… Whatever, as long as I can swim with him!" His hands gripped mine tightly, like vices that I couldn't get out of.

"Ow, Rin, you're hurting me!" I cried, trying to wriggle away.

"Promise me!" His intensity scared me. It was like the old, sweet and dorky Rin had completely pulled a vanishing act on me, leaving behind this stranger.

"I promise!" I agreed quickly, wanting his hands off mine as quickly as possible.

Thankfully, he did let go, and I saw some reason come back into his eyes.

"I'm… Um… Sorry," He mumbled, ducking his head.

I shook my head, my heartbeat going back to normal. "It's okay. Don't worry about it."

I rubbed my wrists to get some circulation back into them. Rin was still watching me.

"Yes? Seen something you like?" I asked, covering up my embarrassment and – _yes,_ I admit it, terror – with attitude.

It worked. The old, confident and cocky look came back into his eyes. "_You?_ As if!" He scoffed, and I looked away, trying not to let him see what wonders that had done for my ego and self-esteem.

_Absolutely nothing._

"Hey… Haru. What did you think of him?" He asked, his voice suddenly going soft.

Surprised, I glanced up, my fingers stilling as I mulled over my answer. "Well, to be honest, I suppose he's… He…" It hurt, but I forced the words out anyway. "He reminds me of you. When we first met at Queensgate. Before…" I swallowed thickly, and waved my hand around to describe what my sentence hadn't said.

Rin got the gist of it. "He'll leave you eventually, you know. They all will."

I fought back tears. _Now_ he was the one hitting below the belt? It wasn't fair. It was like that awful reunion Mother and I had had yesterday…

_Karma's a bitch._

"I know," I replied evenly, my voice sounding throatier than usual. "I know. But why don't you tell that to someone who actually cares? Because I don't. I never cared about them. They weren't even my friends. I'm only here because Alyssa told me to. Haruka-san can do whatever he wants. I don't care."

And I walked off, gathering up the remains of my dignity.

Though I was glad I hadn't cried in front of that jackass, I still felt like dying inwardly.

_He's right, _I realised. _Rin's right. They'll all graduate and leave me someday. Or they'll just toss me aside once they don't need me anymore. What should I do?_

I stared down at the ground, wishing that it held all the answers. Only it didn't. I was on my own.

_Estelle, you're such a liar._


	14. I Was Stupid, So Stupid

The next day, our class was called back for a supplementary class. Super manager Gou decided that weekends were the best times to get the most work done, and ordered all of us to come back. Haruka and Makoto were to come back at 1pm, when we had finished our lessons.

I knew something was up the moment I walked through the door. Nagisa and Rei were all clustered around Gou's desk, whispering urgently to one another. All living creatures are born with an instinct for self-preservation. It is this instinct that inspires small animals to burrow, butterflies to masquerade as dead leaves, or birds to take flight at the snap of a twig. It inspires us to flee what is dangerous.

I didn't follow that instinct. Heart racing, I walked to their table, my satchel bouncing against my hip. "Hey, guys."

Gou looked up, her face slowly going crimson. "Um… Hi…"

Nagisa looked up, accusation plain as day in his eyes. "If Estelle didn't want to join, you shouldn't have told Mako-chan you would!"

My heart stopped. "Estelle"? I had always been "Essie-chan" to him. And though I often griped about how much I hated it, hearing Nagisa call me by my full name was like a punch in the gut. A well-deserved punch in the gut.

"Since when did you start looking at me with those eyes…? Nagisa?"

Gou interrupted me before he could reply. "Estelle, we overheard you and Brother talking yesterday."

"You mean you eavesdropped." I stated flatly, balling up my fists.

"If you didn't want to join, you should have just said so." Rei blurted out, pushing his glasses further up his nose.

_You heard everything Rin and I said, and you're actually_ _agreeing with him? Unbelievable!_

God, it was Australia all over again. I said, "Fine. Whatever. Good luck trying to find another coach," and turned away. I headed back to my own seat, then lay my head down on the table, the way I used to do when I was younger, listening to the noises inside it. It sounded like the ocean. What did it mean? What did it mean? Did it mean that I was once again on my own? Had I been wrong to open my heart up again?

_Yes._

I glanced back at Gou. Her face blurred, and looked like a Picasso painting I'd seen at the Museum of Modern Art, where the features were all different sizes and in the wrong places. Where her left eye was supposed to be, there was an ear, an ear with a pearl stud.

I looked away, down at the mica desk, where someone had written _Siblings suck_. I let out a sort of strangled laugh. "Like sister, like brother, huh?"

"Are you okay?" a voice, my desk partner's, asked. At least that was what I think Hana said. She sounded like she was underwater.

I knew I was going to throw up. The teacher hadn't come in yet. I stood up and lunged for the door, practically knocking someone over on my way out. Only when I got there did I realize it was Haruka. I didn't care. I didn't care. About anything. I rammed into the girls' bathroom door, flew through the crowds of girls reapplying eyeliner, to the stall. I didn't have time to close the door before I started retching.

"Nice!" someone yelled.

"Are you high?" said another.

"Or pregnant?"

I heard someone come in, telling the other girls off for making fun of me. It was Gou.

_Can't you just let me die already? What are you doing here? Going to torment me more? You Matsuokas are all the same! Just leave me alone. Let me die here slowly._

I quickly shut the door, but not in time. She saw my bone-white face before the door clicked shut. Through the tears and the vomit, I saw her eyes go wide. She rapped hesitantly on my stall, like it was made of glass, and she was afraid it would break.

"Estelle? Are you okay?"

She kept it up for about a minute, before leaving. I heard her say, "She doesn't want to answer…" Before the door shut, effectively cutting off whatever that person's reply may have been.

When I was done throwing up my bacon and eggs, I sat inside the stall, satinsidethestall, SATINSIDETHESTALL until everyone left, and the room was silent. I was late to class, and drifted home like a ghost.

After my lessons, Alyssa had a lunch date with a friend, so I had the whole house to myself. I got into bed and lay there, not reading, not sleeping, nothing. When Alyssa came back and called me for dinner, I said I was sick. I _was_ sick. The next day was Sunday, a reprieve. Good. I didn't want to see them anyway. Alyssa kept up a constant stream of knocking on my door, and leaving sandwiches outside my door. I didn't eat a bite. Frankly, it was annoying. So was my phone, which flashed and beeped every five seconds. Probably Makoto trying to contact me, to reassure me that everything would be alright. I didn't reply. Then, on Monday, for the first time in nine years, I went to school without my homework done. After school, I repeated everything from the day before. They tried to talk to me, of course. But they were forced to give up when I didn't reply or when I simply stared off into space. My former friends were talking about some sort of training camp on a deserted island. Not that I cared. I definitely didn't care. What they did was none of my business anymore. I would have probably been happier if they'd all drowned in the ocean.

Finally, I cracked. I should have known. I'd done what I had done in Australia. I'd fallen back into a depression. And this time, I couldn't escape.

I didn't know what I was thinking. I decided I hated the sea animals on my wall, so first I picked up a permanent marker and cancelled out their faces. There. Much better. No more sharks, penguins, killer whales or dolphins to bother me now. Now for the butterfly clock.

I bent and stared into the glass. I could vaguely see my heart-shaped face, the delicate features. But that's where the similarities stopped. _I _did not have such pale skin. My hair did not hang over my shoulders like seaweed. I did not have red-rimmed, frantic eyes.

I seized it with both hands and dashed it down with all my might. There was a crash. It shattered, smashed into a thousand glass pieces. I didn't know why that made me feel better, but it did. I picked up the largest piece, and gripped it in my hands until it hurt. I gripped it until my thighs and arms were stained crimson. I beat on the pieces in a wild dance, my shadow reminding me of a magical girl beheading a witch. Only the blood that stained my clothes was my own. Like that magical girl, I was dancing on a grave, but it was my own. There was no quirky, sarcastic, feisty Estelle. That Estelle was dead. She was dead, and a new one was born. And that new one knew how to dance, and she danced in the shadowy moonlight, and it felt good to be bad for once, really bad and get away with it, good to be someone else.

I heard the light flick on. Heard Alyssa's light and easy tread. Heard the knock on the door.

"Estelle?"

When I didn't reply, her voice grew softer. "I'm coming in, okay?"

_Let's see you try. The door's locked._

I heard the jangle of a key, and cursed. A skeleton key. I'd forgotten. A moment later, Alyssa came in, and her eyes widened as she took in what I'd done to my room.

A hysterical laugh stuck in my throat and bubbled out of me.

"It's true! I can block out the pain! I don't feel the pain anymore!"

_Hey, guys. I'm back. So, we got our results back, and I'm screwed. I failed Chinese and History. So I decided to write. Because that's the only thing I can do now. I hope you liked this chapter. It speaks what I can't. A big thank you for all those who reviewed: SuperheroAnimeGeek, pumkin5, Lady Syndra, ev661, AnimeFreak145, KaminikaSaffire, MariDark and Aleiaa. You guys rock! Kudos if you could spot all the anime references. The next chapter should be out tomorrow, so stay tuned!_


	15. My Aunt, Her Boyfriend and I

Alyssa didn't say anything, just pursed her lips as she surveyed the damage.

"Stay here. I mean it, Estelle. And don't you break anything else."

I could tell she meant business this time. So I stayed, staring down at the broken, bloody mess that was me. Alyssa came back a minute later, a first aid kid in one hand, a tray with a jug of water, my pills, and a sandwich on her other hand.

She set the tray down, and motioned for me to hold out my hands. I did, and I saw her face fall as she took in the blood. Then she grabbed a soft rag, and wetted it, gently cleaning up my hands, which were gummy with dried blood. When my hands were clean and the rag was stained red, she got out some salve and focused on rubbing it into my hands. I winced. It hurt. Alyssa either didn't notice, or she pretended not to notice, finishing the task at hand. When my hands had a thin layer of salve rubbed into them, she covered them with gauze and wrapped them up in clean, white bandages.

"Here," She put two pills in my hand.

I turned up my nose at the sight of them, but chugged them down with a swig of water anyway.

_Yeesh. Anti-depressants._

I hadn't needed them in a long time (Read: Half a year), and I didn't ever want to see them again, but I knew I had to take them to prevent a nervous breakdown.

While I ate, Alyssa cleaned. She carefully picked up the broken glass, and scrubbed away at the permanent marks on the walls. By the time I had finished, Alyssa was done cleaning my room, and everything was back in order.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, looking down abashedly at my hands.

Alyssa shook her head, but I could tell she was trying to keep it together for my sake. "It's okay. Just… Just don't do it again, OK? Talk to me. Too much of those pills aren't good for you."

_Don't I know it._

"Do you want to talk?" She asked, clearing away the tray and pills.

"No," I shook my head, following her down into the kitchen.

She didn't press me any further, obviously afraid of triggering another one of my freak-outs.

"Okay." She turned on the tap to wash my plate. Then, as if a thought had just occurred to her, she turned, fixing me with a bright smile. "Hey, a friend of mine and I are going to an island… For a quick getaway."

"Can I say 'no'?" I asked, staring once again at my hands.

"No. Well, I would have originally wanted you to stay at home, but after seeing _that_… No. I think it's best if you come with me. Akira will love you."

I gave in without too much of a fight; I needed a break, and this chance was too much to pass up.

"The beach, huh? I've never stayed at a beach resort before." My mood lifted slightly, enjoying the way the words felt on my lips.

"Neither have I. We'll discover it together!" Alyssa said happily, conveniently leaving out the fact that she hadn't told me who this Akira was.

I let it slide. For now. I needed to get my life back in order before I could worry about her.

We left two days after my little, ahem, "episode", and I was glad. I wanted to forget as much as I could, and the salty sea air would probably help with that. I packed frantically, throwing sweatshirts, fleeces, tank tops, camisoles and shorts into my duffle. After some consideration, I packed up Haruka's hoodie and took it with me. I still hadn't had the chance to return it to him yet, and I probably never would. Bringing along the sweatshirt of the very guy who had hurt me seemed like the epitome of self-inflicted pain, but I did genuinely miss Haruka, who had been (somewhat) sweet in his own, clueless way.

I thought about calling him and telling him what I was up to. Then I decided not to. He would either want me to apologize, or he would tell the others, and I couldn't have that. They already probably thought I was some spoilt brat who had been using them, and I didn't need any more accusations.

"Akira" turned out to be a man, who was in his early thirties, by the looks of it. Youthful and clean-shaven, with wavy black hair and warm eyes the colour and hue of caramel, Akira was dressed in a pair of jeans and a cashmere sweater.

I glanced down at my own denims and cowboy boots with a smile of relief, feeling glad that I hadn't overdressed. Alyssa ran to greet him with an eager smile, and a kiss on the cheek. I arched an eyebrow.

_A friend my ass. She's so into him._

But he was a nice guy, from what I could tell. He'd brought all the latest glossies for Alyssa to read on the ferry ride to the island, and seemed hell-bent on spoiling her. He'd even gotten me some chocolate candy, specially imported from Switzerland. Feeling like a third wheel, I decided to sit alone, staring wistfully out the window. The little bottle of pills seemed to burn a hole through the pocket of my jeans.

_Screw you, _I thought, popping a piece of chocolate into my mouth.

I sighed in bliss. I wouldn't mind if Alyssa married the guy, if this was what I got to make up for it.

We put up at the Lotus, right on the edge of the beach. It was the kind of hotel made especially for tourists. On the outside, it was all sixteenth century, all white plasterwork and half timbers, but there was nothing olde worlde about it at all. We could have been in the Hilton from the look of the patterned carpets and the shiny fittings. I suppressed a smile. The guy was clearly a workaholic as well.

_I'm sure there are hundreds of sweet little places we could have stayed. Genuine places run by local people, but there's no way he could have done that. Oh, no. Will a few days of no access to a fax or twenty-four-hours of room service kill you?_

Akira had reserved a suite with three bedrooms leading off a palatial drawing room. The hotel had furnished the main room with antiques and luxurious Persian carpets. A little electric fire was crackling merrily in the polished hearth, warming up the room. But the bedrooms were belonged to the 2013s. There was an adjustable flat screened television set over each big double bed, with a second set in the bathroom. The sheets were made of silk, and had a perfectly arranged pillow pile of crisp, white pillows. All rooms had a bar, telephones and on the desk in the corner there was even a word processor. I wondered if everyone who came down here needed to keep a constant watch on their businesses. Then I saw the tariff on the back of the door and reckoned they did.

Alyssa and Akira were going to walk along the seashore and have dinner at one of the many seafood restaurants on the boardwalk. I was invited to join them, but I declined, as I was feeling too queasy from the boat ride. If I ate anything, it would probably be regurgitated into the toilet bowl. And to be honest, I wanted some time alone.

After giving me a final, suspicious look, Alyssa allowed me to stay in the room. From Akira's raised eyebrow, I could tell that she hadn't told him anything yet, and he was wondering why she was being so over-protective. I decided to help out.

"It's her nerves, you see," I said primly. "She's getting old – OW!"

Alyssa twitched, and promptly whacked me up the head.

"I'm 27!" She shot back at me, grabbing her quilted handbag and smoothing out the creases in her skirt.

Akira snorted, and she smacked him lightly on the arm. I pointed imperviously at the door.

"Get out, the both of you."

The couple laughed, but they did leave, and I was soon surrounded by the peace that only money could buy. I took out a bottle of ginger ale from the fridge, and sipped at it in hopes that my stomach would stop churning like a washing machine. Suddenly exhausted, I flopped onto the bed and fell into a dreamless sleep.

I woke up slowly. I was stretched out on top of the bed, still wearing my jeans and a white cotton blouse. Sleep didn't want to let go of me, and my head was fuzzy with dreams. Strange dreams that seemed more real than the daylight. I dreamed of a boy, thrashing about in the waves. Then I was the boy, water pressing in on me, crushing my chest and making it burn… The dream was so real that I could still feel the salt from the water on my lips.

But I'm lying on the bed, a blue hoodie thrown hastily over me to keep me warm. The room is pitch black. I propped myself up on my elbow and saw that the bedside clock read 12.55 am. I thought about going back to sleep, but an uneasy feeling washed over me. My stomach turned into a mosh pit, and I knew that sleep was out of the question.

If not sleep, then what should I do?

I glanced at the beach, and saw my answer.

"Okay. Okay. I'll go for a walk."


	16. Rescuing Rei

I crept out of bed as quietly as I possibly could, careful not to knock anything over. I didn't want to wake Alyssa up. That would make for an awkward conversation. I peeled off my jeans and blouse, slipping into a white cotton sundress and Haruka's hoodie. I held it up to my face and smelled the soft fabric.

_Cinnamon._

I pulled on a pair of slippers and tied my hair up into my trademark pigtails, deciding that I'd just go for a short walk along the beach, then it was back to bed for me. Just fifteen minutes of sea air.

In the lobby of the hotel, the clerk had dozed off with his head resting on a book, and I stole past him quietly, careful not to disturb him, and crept out the automatic doors down a well-worn path that led down to the seashore. We'd come up here from the docks merely a few hours ago, and I still remembered the way down to the beach.

I inhaled the fresh morning air. Or was it still night? I wasn't sure. I hadn't bothered to check the clock, and I'd left my phone in my metallic blue clutch, back in the hotel. The icy wind made me shiver, and I huddled deeper into my hoodie. I squinted up at the sky, which had turned dark. From the distance came the low rumbling of thunder, and streaks of lightning were ablaze in the sky.

I scowled. Why couldn't the storm have held off until I'd returned to the hotel? I zipped my hoodie up, and wandered further along the shore, the white capped waves dashing against the shore with a roaring rhythm that was almost hypnotic. Just a minute more, I promised myself, pausing near two tents, one green and one orange.

That plan was tossed down the drain when the sky opened up, and sheets of rain began to pour.

_Fan-blooming-tastic._

"Help!"

The voice was nearly drowned out by the waves, but I heard it. I froze. It couldn't be…

"Help!" It sounded more desperate and scared now.

I had to confirm if it was him or not. I strained my eyes to see through the rain. The downpour had reduced my visibility to zero.

"REI!" I screamed, but my words were whipped away by the wind.

_Rei… Rei… Rei…_

"No, no, NO!" I moaned, running up to the edge of the water and staring into its depths desperately.

_This is all my fault, _I thought, fighting back tears. I had to save him. But how?

_Calm down, _I told myself sternly. Rei's life was in danger. I had to save him first. Then I could berate myself all I wanted to later.

There was a solution, but it wasn't exactly ideal. A long time ago, in Australia, I'd asked Rin to teach me how to swim, out of curiosity. And it hadn't ended well.

"You_ want _me _to teach _you_ how to swim?" Rin asked me, trying to muffle his sniggers._

_I glared at him, and he stopped laughing._

"_I only know how to swim freestyle and butterfly, though, so I can only teach you these two strokes. OK?"_

_I nodded eagerly._

"_Then let's start. Flutter kick your feet while you reach out with alternate arms."_

_I stared blankly at him._

"… _What?"_

_Rin heaved a sigh._

"_Okay, I'll demonstrate…"_

In the end, I'd never learnt how to swim any of those strokes. Rin had gotten quite fed up with my lack of progress, and had "resigned" from teaching me. The tripling I'd done to his training menu more than helped to make up for my bruised ego, though it was Rin's muscles that had next taken a battering.

But I had read up on the strokes. Theory work mostly. Worse case scenario, we would both die. Best case scenario, I managed to save both our sorry asses. I stared at the churning waves. I had to do it. If not for Rei, then for me. No matter what he'd said, he was still my friend. And I had to save him.

I took a deep breath, but before I could play the hero, I heard a soft cry. I whipped around, figuring that maybe it was the lifeguard or someone who would be able to help.

It was Makoto.

"Estelle?"

"Makoto-san?"

Beggars couldn't be choosers, I reflected, pushing back my sopping bangs and filling him in. Makoto looked oddly resigned, and there was an expression I recognized all too well on his face. Fear.

I hesitated. Makoto wouldn't be able to help much if he was scared. I would only be able to lug one body back. Two would make _me _drown too.

"Tell you what, Makoto-san," I said, trying to act like this was a very important job. "Why don't you go and inform Ama-chan sensei? I'll go and save Rei."

He gave me a strained look. And I knew he wasn't buying my BS one little bit.

"No, you can't go alone, it's too dangerous!"

I glared at him angrily.

"Makoto-san, you don't understand. Rei is going to die unless I save him. _You_ can't go. You're scared. And…Though I don't know why… I… I can't let you come after me in this state. So… So you either sit down in the tent and cry out, 'Help me, help me!' like you're supposed to, or you go and find Ama-chan sensei _right this instant._"

I shot him my best glare and slogged into the water.

The sea was angry. I knew it as soon as I sloshed in. Currents twisted around me like a nest of snakes. The sea boiled and bubbled. Down and down I went, spiralling, while white sand whirled around me, beaten by the underwater storm. The rage of the sea caught me and blew me like a leaf in the wind.

I gritted my teeth, fighting with all my might against the currents.

_I won't let you win! I gambled everything on this!_

"Swim, dammit!" I yelled, moving my arms and legs about in a vain attempt to cut through the water.

The water was so dark and wild, so strong, that I didn't know if I _could_ swim against it. I kicked with all my strength, then kicked again, but it was like trying to swim in a dream. A dream where buckets of icy water, sharp as needles, were being emptied on top of you, one after another. The rain beat down relentlessly on me while the sea threw me about from side to side. In short: It was _awful_.

Then I saw Rei's face in my mind's eye, and I knew that I had to succeed. Failing was not an option.

I pushed on, weighted down by my dress and my hoodie. I wished I'd thought to strip, but I wasn't wearing my swimsuit. I didn't even think that I would need one. And I could have hardly stripped in front of Makoto.

_Where are you_, I thought, diving into the water to search.

Then, through the flurry of bubbles, I saw Rei.

He was still kicking and twisting, fighting to get back up.

"REI!" I screamed his name, once, before I kicked my way over to him.

His eyes were closed, the struggle going out of his limbs.

_No._

Exhausted, pushing him back up against the weight of the water felt like a nightmare, slow and heavy and tangled. I never knew Rei was so heavy. Then rage rushed into me, filling me with new strength.

_This is your fault. So make up for it and save his sorry ass!_

I mustered up all my new-found strength and adrenaline, thrusting him up into the air. We burst through the surface before I knew it. The first gasp of air was like a knife going down my lungs. I coughed and spluttered out salt water, supporting Rei as best as I could. I clung to him as the current spun us around, dragging us further out to sea.

"Rei!" I cried, grabbing his arm tighter. "Wake up!"

He did, eyes flying open, doggy paddling vigorously and shaking his head to snap himself out of his oxygen-lacking stupor. His colour was better already, I noted in relief, though his lips still looked blue.

"Estelle!" He cried, surprised to see me. "When did you –"

"Doesn't matter," I panted, still keeping a tight hold on him.

"Explain later. I came to save you, but we have to get back to shore!" I choked out, scrubbing away at my face so that I could see better.

"But why did you -"

"Because it's my fault you got into this mess, okay?" I snapped, losing what little patience I had left.

The adrenaline rush had left me, and my muscles burned with pain. Rei looked unconvinced, but didn't argue anymore.

"Right," I squinted through the downpour. "The shore should be that way, I think." I hesitated, unsure.

"'You think'?" Rei echoed suspiciously, shouting to be heard over the roar of the waves and the howling of the wind and rain around us.

"Will you get your ass in gear already?" I cried, exasperated beyond belief.

If I could, I would have stamped my foot. As it was, I shoved him the way I thought I had come from a little too roughly. I couldn't see more than two feet in front of me, and we were really pushing our luck, being in the water for so long.

_Ha-ha! You think?_

The last thing I remembered was a thunderous crash, and Rei's hand slipping out of mine just before everything went black.


	17. Breaking Down And Coming Undone

It was weird.

The world beneath the surface was a painless, soundless, weightless, soundless place.

It was as if you had been stripped of all your senses, submerged in a world of greens and blues, where time and movement slowed almost to a halt, where underwater light danced like shredded ribbons and your ears were filled with nothing but the low, steady hum of the sea, in counterpoint to the staccato beat of your heart.

It was a peaceful place. A sublime place. It took you in its armless embrace and whispered its noiseless song in your ears, and gradually the blues faded to greys as your eyelids grew heavier and your limbs became like lead, as if you were slowly sinking into a deep, dreamless sleep –

And when it finally laid you down, it made sure it didn't feel like surrender at all.

_Estelle…_

I thought I heard someone calling my name as if from an immense distance – the shape of the sound, when it reached me, was faint and strangely warped. There was an unnatural, odd brightness all around me – I tried to open my eyes, but my lids seemed to be glued shut.

_Estelle!_

I tried to open my mouth to call out in response – I tasted sand on my tongue, rough and gritty. I gagged instead, and then air suddenly rushed into my nose at the same moment that water gushed out of my throat, making me retch and choke.

I felt myself being rolled over as I vomited mouthfuls of salty water onto the sandy ground. My lungs felt as if I had inhaled liquid fire, and my head spun like a wobbly little satellite moon that was desperately trying to get back into orbit.

"Estelle! Estelle! You have to wake up!" Haruka's unmistakable voice broke loudly through the haze inside my head.

I groaned, and cracked open my left eye – it was comfortingly dark, but the rain hadn't stopped. My vision was immediately filled with Haruka's face. His dark hair was dripping wet, and his startlingly blue eyes were intense with worry.

"Where are we?" I murmured, raising my head a little to look him in the eye.

He looked relieved to see me up and about. "I'm guessing we're on Sukishima. The island facing the tents." He elaborated quickly, seeing my confused expression.

"Rei!" I gasped, opening my other eye and struggled to sit up.

_Crap. CRAP!_

"No, you can't go! You have to rest!" Haruka grabbed my wrists, forcing me to the ground and made sure that I stayed there.

"But Rei's going to die!" I screamed, panic breaking through and obscuring my thinking.

"It's fine!" Haruka said through gritted teeth, struggling to keep me down as I kicked my legs uselessly about in the air. "Nagisa and Makoto are taking care of it!"

That was supposed to be reassuring, but if anything, it only made me struggle more.

"NO! Makoto-san wasn't supposed to go!" I shrieked, seeing those quivering green eyes once more.

"What do you mean?" Haruka demanded, stalling for time, but I knew that he knew what I was talking about.

"_You_ know! You're his best friend! He doesn't like the ocean! So why the hell didn't you stop him?!"

"He _wanted_ to go! We all did!"

That took me by surprise.

"To… To save Rei?" I asked uncertainly.

"And to save you too." Haruka added.

"Why?" I demanded, the fight going out of me just as suddenly as it had come.

An unfamiliar feeling welled up inside of me. No one had ever done this before.

"I'm an awful person! I'm depressed and unstable and I shouldn't even _be _your coach! This… This is all my fault!" I wailed, WAILED, at the top of my lungs.

"_It wasn't your fault._ Look, do you honestly think that you could have prevented this? Can you look me in the eye and say that you could have stopped Rei from going?" Haruka snapped.

"No, but… I was your coach. And coaches are supposed to protect their students. I couldn't." I whispered, hating how my voice sounded weak and wobbly.

"Stop it," Haruka rolled off me, probably remembering that his torso was pressed against mine.

"Stop what?" I asked, a little depressed, but stable, and accepted the hand Haruka offered.

"Stop… Stop trying to carry the weight of the world upon your shoulders. It's not… Healthy. Okay?" Haruka pulled me to my feet.

"Okay," I agreed quietly, following him to an overhang of rock to wait out the storm.

We sat down on the wet sand, a comfortable silence stretching out between us. I drew my knees up to my chest, and waited for the onslaught of questions that were surely about to come.

"What are you doing here?" Haruka asked, his eyes fixed on the grains of sand beneath his feet.

"My aunt dragged me out of Iwatobi for a mini-vacation with her boyfriend. She said I needed to calm down and relax after I had a bit of a nut-do at home." I replied softly, letting my hair fall over my left shoulder, creating a curtain of gold between us.

Sensing his curiosity, I went on.

"It wasn't much. I broke things. Shouted and screamed. Trashed my room."

I held up my bandaged hands to prove my point.

"I'm sorry," Haruka apologized, so quietly that I had to stain my ears to hear him.

"Don't be stupid," I sighed. "It wasn't your fault. It was mine. I was totally out of line that day. I shouldn't have said that I didn't care. And I'm back on my medicine. I'll be fine."

"But you were lying." Haruka said matter-of-factly.

I felt a smile tug at the corner of my mouth. "You could tell?"

"You bite your bottom lip when you lie. I've seen it before."

_Has he been stalking me or what?_ I stared at him, a mix of awe and horror on my face.

"Makoto wrings his hands when he lies, if that makes you feel better." Haruka added.

_Yup, definitely Class 1 stalker._

"You said 'back on my medicine'," Haruka went on. "Have you been…? Like this before?"

He was struggling to find words to describe my condition. I stared at him for a moment, considering.

"I'll tell you. But you have to promise to keep it a secret."

"Okay."

The words came out of me in a rush.

"It's happened before. In Australia. When Rin left. I got really upset, and depressed. My parents found out and made me go for counselling. When that didn't work, they sent me to the doctor for medicine. And the doctor diagnosed me with dysthymia, a milder form of depression."

My eyes were wild, effectively conveying my terror. I'd kicked and screamed, protesting that I was fine. I didn't want to spend hours locked up in a tiny room, with people telling me that everything would be alright, over and over again. But my Mother, who hadn't wanted a crazy daughter, had apparently 'forked out a lot of money' and had sent me 'to the best doctor in Australia'. He'd promptly referred me to 'the best counsellor in the hospital', and given me some anti-depressants to take. So much for being the best doctor in Australia.

"I… I… I don't ever want to go back there! I can't! I don't want to see any more shrinks, or specialists," I stopped to take in a huge ragged breath. "I… I want to swim with everyone, so please… Please, don't… Don't… Abandon me… Don't leave me behind…"

For the first time in a long time, I was helpless. I didn't know what to do. The stinging in my eyes was unbearable, and before I knew it, I was crying. Big painful sobs seized my entire body. The tears I'd held back for so long poured down my face. The fear and grief I'd refused to let myself feel finally burst free, burning in my chest. I could scarcely breathe as I folded in on myself, the last reserves of my strength leaving me.

Haruka sidled up closer, then almost unsurely, put his arms around me, and I buried my face in his chest, sobbing even harder.

"I know," He said softly, tightening his grip on me. "I won't. I promise."


End file.
